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03-29-2010, 06:15 AM | #1 |
Mad Scientist at Large
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 14,793
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You know what, I'm gonna say it right here and now. Uwe Boll is not that bad a director.
That isn't to say he's not a bad director, no. He's bad on some staggeringly epic levels, but not all levels. My problem is that I think it has become "fashionable" to bash Uwe Boll's work. He's an easy target. It's like bashing Ed Wood. He's a very easy target because people know who he is. The problem is that while Ed Wood was a frighteningly inept filmmaker, he was also a very passionate and enthusiastic filmmaker as well. His movies weren't just bad, they were enjoyably bad, and so it is with Uwe Boll. The man makes bad movies, but he doesn't make boring movies. Rest assured, I'll forgive a bad story and bad writing, but I absolutely will not forgive being bored when I paid to be entertained. To put it into perspective, Manos: The Hands of fate opens with a ten minute montage of scenery. This was supposed to be where the opening credits went, but apparently nobody wanted their name attached to the film so we get 10min of slow ass driving though the countryside with elevator music. Cut to House of the Dead where, wait, OMGWTF?! Ten minutes of teens blasting the unliving shit out of an unending horde of zombies to heavy metal!?!?! Yes, there is the most inept and ridiculous use of bullet-time effects in since the invention of the technique, but the fact remains that there are worse things than seeing a 360view of an asian stripper dressed like an american flag dodging a zombie knife-kick. House of the Dead is a spectacularly bad movie, with an emphasis on "spectacular". The cuts in the action scenes make absolutely no sense in terms of continuity. Rather, everything seems to have been designed around the "Rule of Cool", without any thought of realism or even reality itself. And you know what? Who gives a shit. That chick just jumped into the air to shoot an axe-throwing zombie that also just jumped into the air, in 360 bullet time! Yes, he actually incorporates footage from the game into the action scenes. It's so staggeringly bad but somehow still works in the logic of its own bizarro universe. Uwe Boll simply didn't direct a movie. He directed a 90min heavy metal video with zombies, and in that respect it somehow f***ing works. Alone in the Dark. Honestly, I don't know what happened to Christian Slater. He was to be our generation's Jack Nicholson, and aside from some brilliant work in true Romance, he's fallen on hard times. The movie opens with a narration crawl. That's always a bad sign. Movies should show, not tell, but I keep getting the impression that Uwe Boll has an intense love of cheesy 80s movies, either that or he didn't trust audiences to understand what was happening (I don't blame him). Nevertheless, the monsters, by way of their nature of never being fully exposed in the light, actually work, and you've got an exceedingly badass scene near the beginning of Slater taking on this souped up no-pain-feeling bastard and does an even more badass gun trick that I think even John Woo would smile and nod approvingly at. Again, it's bad, but compared to your average Sci-Fi channel movie, it's actually pretty awesome and enjoyable. Also, it ended with my favorite Nightwish song. I can't complain about that. Bloodrayne. Allow me to make some comparison. I rented what i fully expected to be two bad vampire movies; Vampirella (based on the comic book) and Bloodrayne (based on the video game). Now, one was directed by Roger Corman, who, while cheesy himself, has more than a few hits in his win column. Color me shocked as shit when Vampirella turned out to be so far beyond Bloodrayne in it's badness as to be MST3K worthy, more so than a lot of movies they've riffed on. It literally had special effects that were drawn with a crayon on the film stock. The film stock itself looked like it had been bought on clearance, so a movie made in 1996 ends up looking like it crawled out of the 60s. The most interesting part of the movie are the girl's boobs (which are never seen) and Roger Daltry (WHO is seen far too much). Bloodrayne, by comparison, had Sir Ben Kingsly, Michael Madsen, Michelle Rodriguez, and f***ing MEATLOAF(!). Yes, it too is a startlingly bad movie, but it isn't the worst vampire movie I've ever seen. Hell, after they get done adapting all the Twilight movies it won't even be in my bottom ten. It's just stupid fun. So yeah, people have gotten a little too comfortable talking about Uwe Boll like he's the worst thing to ever come out of Germany (too far with that one?), but the fact is most of these people are the reason I hate the mainstream entertainment industry with such a passion. It's likely that half the people who say he's a bad director have never even seen one of his flicks, and the other half need to be tied down and forced to watch Terror Toons or a Sci-Fi Channel original movie marathon (including Mansquito). Say what you will about him, the man loves his work and I have yet to see anything by him approaching "Giant Shark vs Giant Octopus" or "Supergator". |
03-29-2010, 07:19 AM | #2 |
Iron Grenadier
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Painting the terrordrome with a laser, from an undisclosed location
Posts: 785
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you are right most people are just repeaters they repeat what they hear and the only one in the list i have seen is bloodrayne and i thought it was a great movie
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03-29-2010, 07:21 AM | #3 |
Iron Grenadier
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Gloversville, NY
Posts: 501
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I enjoyed Postal. I think that's the only movie of his I've ever seen.
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03-29-2010, 12:04 PM | #4 |
#voteblackjack
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Northwood, NH
Posts: 35,747
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Quote:
^ This A movie by a director I like is an instant watch (Ridley and Tony Scott, Antoine Fuqua, John Woo, Micheal Bay). Other then that I have no name association with "instant watch" or "instant hate". I judge each movie on it's own merits. A good director can be ruined by bad writing and acting. A bad director can be saved by good writing and acting.
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03-29-2010, 12:08 PM | #5 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Claremont, CA
Posts: 9,613
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Bloodrayne let me see Kristina Lokken's bewbs while Vampirella with Julie Strain and Roger Daltry did not; so go UWE Boll. Obviously, I have seen Julie Strain's boobs in other stuff, but that was the whole reason I watched through the Vamp movie on Showtime
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03-29-2010, 12:13 PM | #6 |
Metalhead Extreme
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Trinidad and Tobago
Posts: 2,051
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I thought Talisa Soto aka Princess Kitana played Vampirella along with Roger Daltry?
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03-29-2010, 12:13 PM | #7 |
Epically lazy bastard!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: My Recliner
Posts: 24,044
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I have seen many of bowls stuff and i was nausiated each time. I heard he made a movie of the game Far Cry but im too scared to watch it as to how utterly bad its going to be. Uwe bowl should be banned from making baby food commercials (ALONG with micheal bay, paul anderson and stephen sommers).
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03-29-2010, 12:26 PM | #8 |
Gary Goggles
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: joedeclassified.com/forum/
Posts: 18,094
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see... after watching House of the Dead and Alone in the Dark...
Ewe Boll joined Tyler Perry in my book of useless humans... but then someone told me that Ewe Boll is a huge John Waters fan and it was suggested that his films are actually meant to be "John Waters-y." so now I don't know what to think. Do I go back and watch them as purposely campy art films a la 'Cry Baby' or do I keep Tyler Perry's roommate right where he is.
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03-29-2010, 12:28 PM | #9 |
Banned
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Claremont, CA
Posts: 9,613
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You are correct sir. Julie Strain became the live-model for Vampirella in the comic book - got my brain wires confused. Makes a little more sense as to why there were no bewbs.
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03-29-2010, 12:30 PM | #10 |
#voteblackjack
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Northwood, NH
Posts: 35,747
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Tyler Perry is a waste of space..
Okay, I revise my previous statement. There is one director who's movies become instant "no watch".
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