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08-03-2009, 02:23 AM | #1 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: May 2008
Location: michigan
Posts: 4,470
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so for the last 4 monthes or a bit longer now since my brother got out on bond, he has been in and out of court and about to go to trial, i would prefer not to go into detail about the crimes he comitted because i just dont want to explain it and its serious and just messed up and too personal. he has six felony's which is about as detailed as im going to get. anyway he has been real short and quiet towards me since this all happened.
ive really tried to be there for him but its been very difficult because its a touchy subject but tonight was like the first night i really talked to him and we were talking about if he goes to prison how he will feel about it and how i will feel about it and its just depressing to think about. i wanted to cry because i am really scared for him. i never in my life ever thought that something like this could or would happen to him. its his own fault but i also blame myself in a way because i dont think my brother would be doing the crap he was doing if it wasnt for me. ive changed my life style dramatically for about 3 yrs now and i hoped he would follow in my foot steps but he never did. this is the first time that there is nothing i can do to help him and that is probably the hardest thing to deal with i think. between bond and lawyer fees my family have spent around 115,000 dollars and its been a ruff 4 monthes to say the least, theres been weeks were there isnt food in the fridge and theres been weeks were no one in my family has talked to eachother so its been extremely difficult. i havnt much been myself and just been kinda irratable and upset over everything because finacially and emotionally its been tough. i started having real bad panic attacks after all this happened and had a really hard time sleeping so i cant emagine how upset my bro feels and i guess neither one of us has wanted to talk about it because what do you say? you know its like how do you really talk about going to prison, its just messed up so we both just have drifted apart a bit and i was really mad at him at first because of what he put are family threw and now i feel utterly scared for him and just want to hug the kid and never let him go because he has a long hard road ahead of him.. i have posted some personal threads before but i think this is the hardest for me to write publicaly, i just have lost alot of friends due to life changes and not hanging out with the type of people i use too so i talk to you all on the tank because i am good friends with some of you and just wanted to vent a bit. i wasnt even going to ever say anything about this whole situation but with my bro's trial right around the corner i feel like i dont really have anyone to talk too and after discussing some things with my brother tonight, reality has really paid its toll on me. i am not sure why i am posting this, i mostly feel embarresed and ashamed to post this but why not at this point. i dont really expect anyone to say a whole lot on the matter but if i disapear from the tank for a while i guess you all know why. its almost like i know my bro is going away and not just for a lil bit but for a while and you never get that time back. i just am really lost for how to feel i guess.
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08-03-2009, 02:41 AM | #2 |
Hisstank lackey
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: In the Land that Time Forgot
Posts: 9,597
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damn coola...I'm sorry to hear that bro! I can't even imagine what that must be like for you. All you can do is continue to try and be strong for you, your brother and the rest of your family. If you have to disappear from the tank for awhile to help your family get things in order and help stabilize things, well than you gotta do what you gotta do...family first! Your comments will be missed here, but I wish you and your family all the comfort and support you can possibly have during this tough time!
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08-03-2009, 02:48 AM | #3 |
Cobra Peeping Tom
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: IN THE JUNGLE OF CA...
Posts: 4,345
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Sorry to hear you have to go thru this with your family. But you can't blame yourself for your brother's problems. You had a chance to turn your life around and got thru it. And you tried to help him but he refused it. Maybe prison will help your brother see the error of his ways and change for the better when he gets out(I hope there is a possibility of parole). But honestly we all make mistakes and we have to own up to them sooner or later. So chin up man, you did all you can for him now.
Also remember bad times don't last for long. But I'll keep you, your brother and family in my prayers tonight. |
08-03-2009, 02:49 AM | #4 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Cobra Island
Posts: 2,358
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eh, i hate panic attacks. ive been having them all day. it feels like im trapped in the end of '2001 space odyssy'
i dont have any good advice, but heres a song that always makes me feel better when im freaking out or have to go to court or both. |
08-03-2009, 02:52 AM | #5 |
Cobra puppet therapist
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Area 51, Nevada
Posts: 10,127
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I have a younger brother, and I've stayed up nights worrying about his future. He's a good kid, but I always worry he will take a bad road like I've seen so many do. I took steps in my life to try to prevent that from happening, but in the end, we all make our own choices and no matter what you do or say, people need to make their own mistakes because they just don't listen. So far he seems like he will be alright but I worry non the less.
I won't try to give you any advice, all I can say is visit and write him often and try to get your family to do the same. You need to keep him connected to the real world as much as possible, keep him active in our life as much as possible. Remind him who he really is, so he doesn't forget when he is in there. Give him lots of reasons and incentive to stay grounded and work towards getting out, and do this by showing him through your actions that there is a good world family and normal living waiting for him when he gets out. He has a long, hard journey ahead of him, and 90% of it, he will be alone, but if he knows that you all love him and are waiting for him, with support and not judgment, he won't feel as alone. |
08-03-2009, 03:07 AM | #6 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: At Home
Posts: 13,877
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Sorry to hear that Coola. All you can do it be strong and supportive of your fam. This sorta thing can tear people apart and that's not what anyone needs. Life happens man, and sometimes it happens really hard. All you can do is let him know how much you love him and that he has to be strong too. I'm sure he f'd up, and obviously big time, but let him know that nothing is gonna change between you two. It's gonna be tough, but you are gonna HAVE to vocalize it. Not to make you worry any more about him but with him going away, if you don't tell him you may never get the chance. Not that he won't make it out (although that's a scary possibility), but prison changes people and he might not even be the same dude you knew as your brother before. Again, I don't mean to make you worry, I just gotta be real with you bro. Don't keep it bottled up. You guys all have to be able to talk. It's the first step towards dealing with the reality and then the healing begins.
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08-03-2009, 03:32 AM | #7 |
THE ULTIMATE COBRA WEAPON
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Staten Island NYC But Brooklyn Born & Raised
Posts: 9,883
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i come from the same background and know the feeling very well
so sorry to Hear about ur lil brother right now all you can do is be strong for him and Stick by him thru this its hard when u lose loved ones to the system i lost my stepfather who i never knew wasnt my real dad in the first place as a kid they sentenced him to 32 years and due to Rocafella laws was released after 20 Years Just know that u will be together again hopefully and what you do for him while hes up there will mean alot to him all my freinds have done time and they all say a simple letter means the world to them the little things are greatly apreciated to a person in that situation Hold ya head Brother
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08-03-2009, 03:34 AM | #8 |
Mega Super Stoned Viper
Join Date: May 2008
Location: ******, ****
Posts: 1,580
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God bless you and your brother, Coola.
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08-03-2009, 04:15 AM | #9 |
Urban Assault
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Cahl-ee-fohr-nee-ah
Posts: 1,157
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Wow, Coola. What you're going through has got to be really tough. It's good that you had a chance to talk to your brother, making the most of the opportunity. As some of the others have said, you can't blame yourself. Ultimately, your brother made the choices that put him in this situation. Hindsight is always 20/20, and I'm sure that your brother would have done things differently now that he can see the result of his actions. It sounds like you've gotten through to him. Perhaps it may be a little late to prevent prison, but it's important that he knows there are still people who love him. Do make sure that you stay in touch with him if he goes to prison. The link to loved ones, let alone the outside world will play a great role in keeping his morale up.
I'll be praying for you and your brother. Hopefully, things will work out to the best possible situation for you and your family.
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08-03-2009, 07:32 AM | #10 |
DDC III
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Sheridan Arkansas
Posts: 1,976
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Damn Coola, You can't blame yourself for what your lil bro did. Everyone has to make a choice, and when it comes down to it you did. Your bro decided not to make a change and he is where he is because of it. Let him know you are there for him. I lost alot of friends also cause of some changes I made. But I would rather be where I am now( wife, 2 great kids, awesome job), then where I was. Don't forget you got all your other brothers (and sisters) here on the tank, and please do not feel embrassed to post your feelings. This site had become just more than a TOY site. I have met and talked to some really great people on here. I will be praying for your family. Just be there for your brother.
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