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07-03-2010, 05:22 AM | #1 |
Banned
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,698
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Remember back in the day, that thing your mom bought you? Or maybe you bought one a week ago. Well, maybe you had enough sense to pass on it... but do you remember saying "What a hunk of shit!" when you got it? I do, and let me tell you, my grandmother beat me for an hour for saying "shit". She actually beat my bare ass in public for that. That was a year ago.
Well, this isn't about remembering beatings and embarassment, because my Grandma sure doesn't remember it (good look finding you insulin, you old bitch). This is about the worst plastic (or die-cast metal) crap ever made. Rock Lords. Oh, look! It's like a Transformer, that changes into...a damned rock... ? Seriously, what the hell? Who sat in a room with other toy designers and had this discussion? I know coke was big in the 80's, but a rock? A ROCK? While you're making figures that turn into useless items I can find in my yard, make me robot that turns into a pine cone or some dog shit... and maybe a dead squirrel. Skip-it. This thing was obviously designed by some psychopath who hated children. Since they had already invented razor blades in candy bars and child abductors, they went the route of creating this contraption. Since "Faceplant-Inducing Ankle-Shattering Flail of Child Hospitalization" was too long, they went with "Skip It". When it came down to the safety inspections, I'm sure they took the title of the toy to heart as well. My Buddy. This toy had TWO reasons to be the worst invention of all time- (1) Some prick went and made a movie about a ridiculously similar doll that comes to life and starts killing people, and (2) The first time your sexuality and gender were brought into question was probably when someone accused you of owning one. These things were so creepy, when my aunt got me one- my father burned it and stayed until he was certain it was completely gone. Super Soaker 9k or whatever. The one that had the tanks on the backpack. Now, don't get me wrong- having a water gun that can be used against rioters and house fires is cool... when you're a kid. But when one of these little hellions gets this contraption and finds you as an adult... and blasts your drink, cigarettes, and clothes... you consider giving him an enema with the damned thing. Stretch Armstrong. This thing gave my brother more black eyes than my grandma did. Okay, actually... come on. We all know the trick- you say "hey, let's see how far we can stretch him!" and then when it gets ridiculously tight, you let it go and smack them in the face. This thing is why my brother won't even get in the car with me. Also, you cut him open... and that sticky craps stays in the carpet forever. Virtual Boy. Not technically a "toy", but it does fit the description of "useless piece of plastic". The Virtual Boy was designed to piggyback off the virtual reality craze of the time (you know, that virtual reality we turned into cybersex chat). The thing is, by being a "virtual reality" game, it was more like "shitty red screen strapped to your head". Also, it makes you go blind. The Power Glove: I never could get this thing to work right, and it looked so damned cool. Truth is, the most fun I had with this thing was when I clipped the cord off of it. FUN FACT: If you play Burger Time and give the screen the finger, you win forever. GI Joe Gliders and Cord-Pull helicopter thingies. Oh, I had to go there. Thing about this: You take out the Night Vulture or Heli-Viper. You arm him. Do you have the glider? It doesn't fly, he just crashes and burns. The helicopter? NO. It doesn't lift off. It waggles about and drops like Lindsay Lohan's weight after a coke bender. Go pick the figure up.... and now look at his face. LOOK AT IT. See that? That is why we wear helmets on our head and face when we do dumb shit, so the entire neighborhood doesn't have to feel sorry for faceless little Mikey that was roller blading and grabbed onto a car to go faster! Oh, you just lost your guns. |
Baron Samedi |
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07-03-2010, 05:26 AM | #2 |
Banned
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Land Of Confusion
Posts: 3,046
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MUSCLES. I had someone give me those damned things all the time. I bet I had hundreds of 'em. Those little pink turds couldn't do anything.
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CornDog_The_Ninja |
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07-03-2010, 05:30 AM | #3 |
Banned
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,698
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Quote:
Yeah. They were less fun than the Pine Cone Transformer. |
Baron Samedi |
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07-03-2010, 08:07 AM | #4 |
i am the calm
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 278
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~Monster in my Pocket. yep, little rubber 1 color toy that doesnt do anything special, you can play with them, my favourite is they bounce. Later Deluxe set had more than 1 color at a time.
~There were these toys, that were barnyard animals that had rockets and camo, army looking accessories strapped to pigs and rams, i forget the name. ~ Same as the second one but food products, a cheeseburger with legs and arms, helmet and machine gun...
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A thousand lips, a thousand tongues, a thousand throats, a thousand lungs, a thousand ways to make it true, I want to do terrible things to you |
07-03-2010, 08:08 AM | #5 |
god of thunder
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: the riff filled land
Posts: 15,256
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sigma six. unbelievably lame.
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07-03-2010, 08:08 AM | #6 |
Cobra Viper
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Exeter, ON
Posts: 200
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My Buddy.
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07-03-2010, 08:13 AM | #7 |
Hisstank.Com General
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: dallas tx
Posts: 9,107
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g.u.t.s
micro machines
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feedback http://www.hisstank.com/forum/buy-se...-feedback.html MY BUY/SELL/TRADE http://www.hisstank.com/forum/g-i-jo...cessories.html My Collection http://www.hisstank.com/forum/g-i-jo...ollection.html |
07-03-2010, 08:30 AM | #8 |
Crimson lady of the Guard
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 13,754
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Creepy Crawlers. It was fun for an hour, that is until you ran out of the stuff to make them.
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My feedback Thread http://www.hisstank.com/forum/g-i-jo...tml#post642922 (PLEASE READ MY WANTS LIST, any help finding these items would be wonderful) My wants list http://www.hisstank.com/forum/showthread.php?t=36991 |
07-03-2010, 08:37 AM | #9 |
Highway Unicorn
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Hainesville, IL
Posts: 1,244
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Quote:
~Monster in my Pocket. yep, little rubber 1 color toy that doesnt do anything special, you can play with them, my favourite is they bounce. Later Deluxe set had more than 1 color at a time.
~There were these toys, that were barnyard animals that had rockets and camo, army looking accessories strapped to pigs and rams, i forget the name. ~ Same as the second one but food products, a cheeseburger with legs and arms, helmet and machine gun... I think those "Slutz" dolls are high on my list, as I remember being turned off by them as I saw one that had a see-through blouse, but no bra. Why did they think that dressing a doll like that was ok for a little girl? Thankfully, they're no longer being made, and MGA made a more demure doll with all the body molds they had, but that was a crappy time in toys.
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07-03-2010, 08:37 AM | #10 |
Reality-Hopping Mercenary
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Behind you, looking over your shoulder.
Posts: 505
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Quote:
I remember something similar called, I think, Army Ants. I had alot of those damn things. my mother would pick them up from the local drugstore for like a buck back when I was younger. one of the worst childhood toys I remember was those rubber knights/warriors/army guys that had the wire inside so you could 'pose' them. Mine always ended up snapping off some limb. At least they had pretty cool weapons and accessories for the time. oh and those creepy-ass troll dolls. I really didn't have any but my niece did, she's 8 years younger than me. |
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