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12-09-2010, 12:59 AM | #1 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 1,045
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I have a good friend whom I'm very concerned about. My buddy works many extra days per month by choice. Whenever I call him, he's always working. He's not in debt. Not hard for cash. Doesn't live an extravagant lifestyle. He's cheap like me. He as 2 kids in primary school, a good job and a nice house. His wife is at home.
I frequently tell him to work less and make time for yourself or you'll burn out. My friend doesn't talk much about his troubles. But he once said going to work is actually a release for him to avoid family drama at home. His wife has issues with her mother, inlaws, their home, his career ambition. She micro-manages his life like Kate Gosselin. He's becoming the 3rd child. He once told me he lived in his car for a week after a nasty fight with his wife. I knew he had some troubles with her. He said that he feels obligated to his children until they're 18. After that, he may leave this marriage. He also said he thought about getting a place of his own close to the family. At home he isn't allowed to watch tv. If he has time to watch tv then he has time to do chores, so says the wife. So he reads. You can't fault a guy for reading can you? His kids have expensive hobbies like ballet and horseback riding. I doubt he works so hard for ballet lessons. We are movie buddies as well. He doesn't enjoy going to the movies anymore. He seems irritated that the movie sucked. With his lack of free time, the movie can't be good or great, but must be excellent. So every movie becomes a downer. His free time has to be excellent because his home life is such a downer. My friend doesn't appear unhappy. What should I do? |
12-09-2010, 01:14 AM | #2 |
Question Authority
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Maine
Posts: 12,980
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I've got a couple friends going through the same BS, my friend. As much as you want to, you can't fix their problems.
My advice is: Just be a good friend. Be the release he needs from his problems. When he's hanging out with you, maybe he can forget about his problems, even if for an hour or two. Also, tell him to talk to you about his problems. Dudes tend to bottle shit up until we're about to snap! Letting that anger/frustration out helps. |
12-09-2010, 03:22 AM | #3 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Hiding from the ROC Police
Posts: 14,738
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Tell him to have a affair or 2. That will make him happier
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Monkeywrench |
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12-09-2010, 03:31 AM | #4 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: At Home
Posts: 13,877
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ashleymadison can help him out.
Seriously, if he really is going to stay in this relationship, tell him he needs to be a fucking man and be there with his family physically as well as financially. The kids are going to know something is up and it will affect them far worse if there is dissention until they're 18 than if they just got a separation. Honestly, I think he's probably already checked out and it wouldn't surprise me if he was already doing something on the side. I've seen this before with friends and he was super secretive about his shit. His wife found out and told me otherwise nobody would have known. |
12-09-2010, 03:32 AM | #5 |
Mad Scientist at Large
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 14,793
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WTF?! If he has time to watch TV he has time to do chores? Tell him to tell that b!7ch to get a full-time job and then see how much she feels about doing more chores at home!
Seriously, that is some epic bullshit. Guy freakin' married his mom. |
12-09-2010, 03:52 AM | #6 |
Filecard Maker
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: NJ
Posts: 7,300
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#1 rule man's got to provide for his family.
Sucks yeah but sometimes that means work as hard as you can...all else comes second. My Mom had the best anology / example. At 17 years old she had two small kids and her husband walked out on her. Many years later when we were grown she told me, "You sorta have to put who you are in a box on a shelf, because its what has to be done...then one day you can take that box down and rediscover who you really are before you were who you HAD to be." Its kind of a really sad statement but its so damn true. |
12-09-2010, 04:33 AM | #7 |
Mad Scientist at Large
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 14,793
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Quote:
#1 rule man's got to provide for his family.
Sucks yeah but sometimes that means work as hard as you can...all else comes second. My Mom had the best anology / example. At 17 years old she had two small kids and her husband walked out on her. Many years later when we were grown she told me, "You sorta have to put who you are in a box on a shelf, because its what has to be done...then one day you can take that box down and rediscover who you really are before you were who you HAD to be." Its kind of a really sad statement but its so damn true. |
12-09-2010, 08:08 AM | #8 |
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: THE GARDEN STATE OF EDEN!
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i know a girl like this, and the solution is what monkey wrench said lol..
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12-09-2010, 09:55 AM | #9 |
Banned
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: united kingdom
Posts: 3,693
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i think first he needs to grow a backbone,stop being so spineless and take control back of his life.once thats done,sit the wifey down and tell her to wind her neck in.and extra-marital affairs dont solve anything........its running away from the problem rather than faceing and dealing with it.
Last edited by xxxx; 12-09-2010 at 09:57 AM.. |
12-09-2010, 10:53 AM | #10 |
Hisstank.Com General
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 11,379
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Quote:
i think first he needs to grow a backbone,stop being so spineless and take control back of his life.once thats done,sit the wifey down and tell her to wind her neck in.and extra-marital affairs dont solve anything........its running away from the problem rather than faceing and dealing with it.
Once in a while when my wife gets mad at me about something it doesn't really phase me. She can get mad all she wants, but I won't get dragged into a fight and I won't get upset over something I feel is not worth getting upset over. I always tell her that it's her choice if she wants to be upset and mad about something. That's the way I roll. |
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