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08-01-2012, 10:23 AM | #1 |
Scarred Cobra Officer
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4,612
|
A good friend of mine is having financial difficulties. So he asked to borrow $5000. He works as a real estate broker, has no kids, a CPA, 15 years experience. But market has been slow. I suspect financial irresponsibility. I told him I'd be willing to lend him $500 knowing I'm not expecting it back since i have other financial obligations-- I'm paying for my brother's grad school and helping out my parents. I'm a bit peeved its going to hit my toy budget and savings bucket. I'm going to tell him he should consider moving back to his parents house until he can get a stable job.
Have you ever given money to a friend (non family)? What's the most? What happened after? |
08-01-2012, 10:53 AM | #2 |
I just want foam gliders.
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Tooele (two-willa), Utah
Posts: 18,727
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I've been on the other side and I can tell you it's a very hard and embarrassing thing to ask for. I appreciate that you are seeing it as a gift instead of a loan. I always paid them back, but when it was a gift I felt better about the time it took to repay.
I've gotten to a point in my life that I'm the one lending/giving money now and I always try to reassure them that it happens to everyone at some point and not to let it get them down. |
08-01-2012, 11:03 AM | #3 |
Scarred Cobra Officer
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4,612
|
Thanks. If I didn't have all these other financial obligations I'd definitely give more. 10 years ago I had to bail out my younger brother for gambling debts. I also worry with this economy best to save as much as you can in case there's a lay-off.
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08-01-2012, 11:06 AM | #4 |
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,547
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Yup, been on both sides. Lost a best friend because I loaned them $2K and I KNEW they wouldnt pay it back and I was OK with that, but what got me was a month later he was driving a brand new car, had a new TV, etc. I dont play that shit. I never asked for a payment (when someone asks for a loan you shouldnt HAVE to ask them to pay it) and he never offered a payment. 12 years later and I have only spoken to him briefly a couple of times. I was making a LOT of money at that point and honestly, I think he thought it wouldnt be a big deal since we both would have taken a bullet for the other. Wrong.
Ive also had to borrow money from my FIL. $8K to be exact. But he offered, we were in a BAD situation with me having 2 surgeries in the course of 4 months that totalled $60K AFTER insurance paid their 90%. We had to take out personal loans, a second mortgage, etc., and we were trying to figure out bills one day he showed up and after chatting about it he said he was upset we didnt ask to borrow the whole thing from him because he'd rather that than us pay all that interest. Its nice having someone in your life who can do that, but its also so stressful that I wonder if its worth it. When someone asks to borrow from you, its just about the hardest thing theyll ever do if they seriously need it and theyre a stand up person. If theyre a douche shyster, then thats another story. And honestly, if $500 bucks if its going to get a douche shyster out of your life, thats cheap. If he's a real friend and that hard up, loan him the money and know its incredibly hard for him right now. |
08-01-2012, 12:13 PM | #5 |
Live it to the fullest...
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 5,921
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I loan family money all the time knowing damn well I'll never see it. I don't expect family to pay me back. As for friends, I've never really loaned them money. Not because I won't but because they don't really ask. Last time I did it was 20 bucks. My friend avoided me for months because he thought I would be mad he didn't have the money. I never mentioned it to him or anyone else. I didn't give a shit about the money, it just pissed me off because he would avoid me over 20 bucks. So just be careful when loaning money, no friend is worth losing over any amount of money.
__________________
Last edited by drunknmunky; 08-01-2012 at 12:15 PM.. |
08-01-2012, 12:14 PM | #6 |
Broca Beach Realtor
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Broca Beach
Posts: 8,260
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Lawn mower.
__________________
"[Zarana] it's obvious by how many post[sic] you have... That you live a sheltered life...probably surrounded by your toys" |
08-01-2012, 01:29 PM | #7 |
Hisstank.Com General
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Anchorage Alaska aka Frozen Hell
Posts: 10,689
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Loaning money to a friend isn't too bad. Loaning to a co-worker is worse.
@CG...I'm sorry but the guy has some balls asking for $5000!!! I wouldn't ever ask my friends for that kind coin. That's just an insane amount to ask a friend. Besides, that's like 3 of your AFA graded figs/vehicles...;) |
08-01-2012, 01:49 PM | #8 |
Hisstank.Com General
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 11,379
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I've given money to help out family on several occasions. I never "lend" money per se. I only give what I would feel comfortable never getting back. For family, my threshold is higher. It was usually $100 a month ongoing for many months. However, I would never arrange anything ongoing with a friend, and for me $500 would be above my comfort level. If it was a very close friend I'd probably be comfortable with $100 and it'd have to be for a specific reason like to help pay rent or a utility bill.
In reality, I don't recall ever lending money out to any friend. I'll pay for lunch and similar things. I'd be more willing to do things to help like buying them food, or putting in time to help them find a job or helping them move or what have you. I remember lending an extra car I had at the time to a friend who needed one for a few weeks. Stuff like that I'm all for, but actual money is a different matter to me. If a friend asked me for $5000, I'd probably reconsider being friends with them. |
08-01-2012, 04:08 PM | #9 |
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,547
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Yeah, I wonder how much of a friend someone can be asking for $5K. On the other hand, if youre REALLY close, like brothers who grew up together, it might not be that big a deal. Honestly, to me and my friends & family, money is nothing. Thats why it sucked so bad to lose someone I considered closer than a brother over a measly $2K. Now I know thats a lot to a lot of people, and it was to me too, but not in the grand scheme of things.
If you lose a friend over $20 bucks, you werent friends to begin with. |
08-01-2012, 04:46 PM | #10 |
Scarred Cobra Officer
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4,612
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We were college dorm mates. Before i moved to NJ, i'd sometimes crash his place in NY. I was talking to another friend who borrowed his car one summer. So he's a good guy. But what bugs me is that he shouldn't be in this position. He' got enough smarts to have a decent career. Plus he has no kids. I have very little to zero tolerance for self inflicted financial irresponsibility.
I just don't think I can stand to lose anything more over $500. It's my tipping point. I'll cut my losses there. But I'm going ask him this Friday over lunch more on why and how he needs the money. |
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