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10-11-2008, 03:04 PM | #41 |
Three Stars And A Sun
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 864
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I feel you man. I have to deal with the same sh*t every single day and it's driving me mad.
The thing is, we plan on getting hitched next year. And as much as I love her, I can't help but have second thoughts... How can I marry someone who doesn't seem to be equally committed to the relationship as I am? There is always some sort of power struggle between us. Everything seems to be a contest to her. And I hate it. I really do. But like I said, I love her. I can let her go, but then what would happen to what we already started and built? I'm not a quitter, so I guess I just have to ride it out. Hopefully, things will fall into place... Quote:
She has a problem putting me before her family and that's where all of our problems really stem from. She thinks that I'm asking too much. I think that she's not giving enough, since I put her first in my life. It's like a revolving door that we can't get past. I don't like the word divorce but at some point, when is enough REALLY enough? Yes, we could sell the house we have here and I could leave my life down here to be with her up there. But, would that really stop her from putting her family before me? How can I leave everything I have here to be with someone who can't make me #1? It would be like losing DOUBLE, ya know? Right now, I'd go for a fight over toys anyday rather than have to go through this hell...
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10-11-2008, 03:06 PM | #42 |
HissTank Queen
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: <3
Posts: 9,888
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Quote:
Quote:
We never fight, never argue. We established a set of rules when we hooked up.
1) whats yours is yours. 2) The money you earn is yours. 3) Bills we share we split. Her car her bill, my jeep my bill, my motorcycle my bill... our fun. 4) She has hobbies, as do I. We totally respect each others hobbies. 5) Love (saying). It's not a reflex. "I love you honey.." "I love you too!" Not allowed. We look into each others eyes and say it with meaning everytime. No matter what we are doing, we always stop to look each other in the eye. 6) Respect each other differences. Movies, music, sense of style etc. 7) When in doubt... flip a coin. or Rock, Paper, Scissors. Always works and we have a great relationship. We can talk about anything, no secrets. We both have been through very difficult relationships so we both laid this out from the start. 3 years later... feels like the first week together. We look at other couples in the middle of an arguement and just laugh. We don't get it at all!! Truly, truly happy. Sick huh? lol Quote:
donkey punch. LMFAO. i have not heard that term since high school. that is effin hilarious.
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10-11-2008, 03:15 PM | #43 |
Burn The Earth
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Topeka Kansas Blah!!
Posts: 12,089
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My wife loves me but my hobbies gets on her nerves and finaces usually bring a argument or two but we work it out cuz i luvs her i dont know what i would do without her besides its my second marrige and dont want all that shit to come around again hahah my first wife left cause she found out she liked woman more than men lol!! All good though shes kinda batty
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10-11-2008, 03:16 PM | #44 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!!!!
Posts: 2,414
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That's my fail safe device.
I am 30 right now, and I figure I have 10 or so more years to find the right one. If I don't, then I should have enough money to safely sustain 2 human beings plus 2-3 children. So yeah, I have not taken that option away from my general strategy in the event that US women don't accept me for who I am. |
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10-11-2008, 03:17 PM | #45 |
Banned
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Location: USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!!!!
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My wife loves me but my hobbies gets on her nerves and finaces usually bring a argument or two but we work it out cuz i luvs her i dont know what i would do without her besides its my second marrige and dont want all that shit to come around again hahah my first wife left cause she found out she liked woman more than men lol!! All good though shes kinda batty
Things happen like this all the time, and I hope that things work out for your marriage now. |
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10-11-2008, 03:20 PM | #46 |
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Location: USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!!!!
Posts: 2,414
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Sorry to hear about that. Does she give you stuff about insignificant things? I know mine does, and the worst fights are always on the phone. We never fight as often when we are together, but there are days when I come home where I just want to be alone. However, she does not understand nor tolerate that. If we ever get married, she is totally against my "Man cave" idea, which means that I would have a room to myself with my TV, toys and things of that nature. |
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10-11-2008, 03:22 PM | #47 |
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Location: USA! USA! USA! USA! USA!!!!
Posts: 2,414
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Yes. All the damn time. NOt about my hobby though but little things like, why didnt you pick up the phone when I was calling (Im assisting some clients), why are you 30 minutes late? (Had to finish some paperwork) How come you dont want to cuddle? (Tired from work, so last thing I need is cuddle with her while she watches an episode of ER) lol
No, let me say that different: I REALLY, REALLY hate phones. If I want to see someone, I just go visit them. Heck, email is easy because you can communicate a great deal of information without having to hear an opposing argument or other disruption to stop you from getting your point across. Argh!!!! My phone is ringing right now!!! I am not gonna answer it either!!!!!!!!!! |
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10-11-2008, 03:25 PM | #48 |
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Posts: 784
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I would say that Akunin's relationship has less to do with these rules and more to due with his girlfriend's ability to comprehend the need to strive above the usual relationship stereotypes. And the desire to want to do so. As matter of fact those rules are a natural by-product of two people coming together and both reaching a new level of understanding. So my point is that those rules cannot be applied to any relationship and they will just work. Awareness,comprehension, and desire are the foundation to those rules and it is required of both.
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10-11-2008, 03:26 PM | #49 |
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RESPONSE FROM MY GOOD SIDE:
Your problem is all Mars and Venus stuff. As absurd as it may sound, it's just the basic psychological and emotional differences between men and women manifesting themselves. Men and women value different things and attach often drastically varying interpretations to the same events. One isn't necessarily better than the other. You just have to learn how to accept what women are like and understand how they think and feel (as well as how alike/unlike your chick is to women in general), and preferably she'll do the same for you, try to understand how you express your maleness and not take it personally. RESPONSE FROM MY BAD SIDE: It's been my observation that women love to be angry and hurt so if you start doing what she wants, she will soon lose interest in you. Women want you to take charge in the relationship so don't try to placate her, tell her you will do whatever you damn well please and she needs to learn to accept it. Then confuse her mind by doing something nice and romantic for her. Women can't resist it when you keep them off-balance. This is why women fall for assholes: Assholes shift back and forth unpredictably between cruelty/insensitivity and compassion/romance and this combination drives most women wild. Remember the words of the wise pimp: Any man can control a woman's body, but the key is to control her mind. Just don't let her bitching and complaining get you down-it is the nature of a woman to nag and criticize and whine about everything. It has nothing to do with reality. If she is affecting your emotional state, check your self-esteem. If you are happy with yourself, her bitching will just be noise, you won't worry about it. Hope this helps. ;) MY GOOD SIDE AGAIN: Do NOT under any circumstances listen to anything my bad side has to say. It will only cause more problems. I try to keep him in check, but sometimes he takes full control of my mind before I can restrain him. But he is good for comic relief if you just take everything he says as a joke... I do stuff like that all the time, you know? Be controversial!!!!!!! She had a BIG problem with me having the occasional microbrew while chilling out in my house. It's not like I was cruising around in my car while doing shots or something. I was chilling in my house with a high quality beer. Anyway, she gave me shit about it, and I told her tough, I am gonna have a beer in the evening if I feel like it. She hung, but called back 2 days later. You are absolutely right. Just stick to your guns, men. They usually realize that you are the best thing that ever happened to them, and they also realize that they have to accept you for your faults also. It's been 3 days since our last phone-related fight and no call back. I may call her tomorrow evening to leave her a voice mail. If she doesn't call back, then I am definitely gonna ask for a new assignment this spring in some exotic place. |
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10-11-2008, 03:46 PM | #50 |
That's lo!
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Wa.
Posts: 31,050
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we don't fight very much, can't really put a "this many times a month" score on it, it just happens when it happens (never about toys, comics, etc.) Usually it's when I'm being difficult about something. She also has a thyroid issue (really mood effecting) that can make dealing with little things tough, so she tends to get upset pretty easily (i call it hyper-sensative) and I know when it's time to cool things down. Flowers, when she's not expecting them, go a long way towards keeping things good
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