|
|
Thread Tools |
12-10-2011, 12:47 PM | #31 |
Tactical Command
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 1,062
|
Quote:
Statements like this make me realize that we haven't come very far with relationships as a race. The simpliest analogy I can find is from the movie The break up with Vince Vaugn and Jenifer Aniston (terrible movie but had one sceane that explains the way both sexes look at relationships perfectly).
The argument over the dishes. He didn't want to do them and thought she was trying to pull him into an unpleasant task. Because it was unpleasant he wanted to put it off until later. She wanted some help with an unpleasant task. She wanted him to want to help her with it rather than sitting on is arse. Because the dishes were so unpleasant she wanted to get it done and over with. It was a simple disagreement that could have been solved if the two of them just spoke to each other, but they both ere too stupid to do that thinking that the other was just trying to piss them off. The reality was she didn't want to do the dishes either and he didn't want to just toss the house work on her, however they didn't say this to each other, but to other people not in the relationship-again stupid, however it fits to what I see people do all the time. They never look at the other person's perspective and only think of themselves and how miserable they are with a "nagging woman" or a "lazy man" he knew she wanted help with the unpleasant task, she said so. however, her value system places a high priority on a clean and tidy house, so getting it done now was important to her. him not wanting to help right now, from her perspective, was a lack of caring about her. his value system places a high value on relaxing after a hard days work, and dinner party, which guys usually hate. dishes are a low priority on his value system, so putting it off so he could relax was his desire. her making him do it now, from his perspective, shows a lack of caring for him on her part. both wants are known, and not wrong, but somebody is going to get the shaft. the sacrifices necessary for a relationship between two people with different values to work. "talking about it" doesn't alleviate a sacrifice of one party's wants/values. i just get amused at when one person calls another selfish because "you never think about me." but what sounds more selfish than sitting around wondering why people aren't thinking about you? Last edited by GI FLINT; 12-10-2011 at 12:50 PM.. |
12-10-2011, 12:53 PM | #32 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 2,161
|
Quote:
i don't think its about being stupid, trying to piss the other off, or not knowing what the other wanted.
he knew she wanted help with the unpleasant task, she said so. however, her value system places a high priority on a clean and tidy house, so getting it done now was important to her. him not wanting to help right now, from her perspective, was a lack of caring about her. his value system places a high value on relaxing after a hard days work, and dinner part which guys usually hate. dishes are a low priority on his value system, so putting it off so he could relax was his desire. her making him do it now, from his perspective, shows a lack of caring for him on her part. both wants are known, and not wrong, but somebody is going to get the shaft. the sacrifices necessary for a relationship between two people with different values to work. "talking about it" doesn't alleviate a sacrifice of one party's wants/values. i just get amused at when one person calls another selfish because "you never think about me." but what sounds more selfish than sitting around wondering why people aren't thinking about you? PS I never said they were Trying to piss each other off, just that they were pissing each other off. |
12-10-2011, 01:25 PM | #33 |
Tactical Command
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: TX
Posts: 1,062
|
Quote:
you just said what I said in a roundabout fashion. Still the fact is they never commincated these aspects of each other and instead just grumped about it. Just grumping about it is AND not talking something so trivial is plain stupid in a relationship. You just set yourself up to fail (as they did, and it was both of them).
PS I never said they were Trying to piss each other off, just that they were pissing each other off. you are saying, i think, that the lack communication/understanding leads to the fight. and that talking about it could avoid the fight. i am saying that the needs/wants are already known. talking about it is unnecessary. i know women want a tidy house. if i still chose to relax, is that selfish? yes. is it selfish to ask me to put off relaxing to do dishes i don't care about. yes. both people already know what's up. its just who is going to sacrifice. you can "talk" about that if you want, lobby for your position. but there are no unknown quantities here requiring discussion. male and female wants and needs are well documented, if not understood. |
12-10-2011, 02:26 PM | #34 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 2,161
|
Quote:
Seriously if you watch the sceane you can tell they never talked abut this. Quote:
both people already know what's up. its just who is going to sacrifice. you can "talk" about that if you want, lobby for your position. but there are no unknown quantities here requiring discussion. male and female wants and needs are well documented, if not understood.
And yes, male and female wants and needs are well documented, but never really understood, which is exactly the point. |
12-10-2011, 03:22 PM | #35 |
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,547
|
Putting YOUR relaxing in front of a HOUSEHOLD task is 100% selfish. To get upset because someone wants/expects help with a household task is incredibly selfish. If there was a little communication between the two parties, it might not escalate to an argument or resentment which leads to other issues over time. THIS is why 50% of marriage end in divorce.
|
Thread Tools | |
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
"Tanks" for the Christmas presents... | chief_1 | Toys | 11 | 12-27-2009 12:55 AM |
Merry Christmas! The official Hisstank Christmas thread 2009 | HonestAbeJoeHooah | General Discussion | 93 | 12-25-2009 11:26 PM |
ROC Action Figure Guilt? | ROC Solid Snake | G.I. Joe Toys Modern & General Discussion | 14 | 08-19-2009 10:19 PM |
Clear Blue Wraith variant...guilt | Bernit69 | G.I. Joe on Ebay | 37 | 02-10-2009 04:24 PM |
Buy it now guilt? | Headman | G.I. Joe General Discussion | 35 | 08-04-2008 08:30 PM |
|
|
Recent Off Topic Threads |
Marvel Universe 3.75" figures |
1:18 Airwolf kickstarter |
Last Movie You Watched? |
JazWares 18th Halo |
What song are you listening to? |