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11-19-2011, 01:22 PM | #1 |
endlesssummerofthedamned
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Midway, PA
Posts: 3,773
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The impetus for this thread is my wife’s concern with my lack of friends.
First, a few things you should know about me: I’m essentially a functional misanthrope and luddite. I feel constantly disappointed in the shallowness and depravity that other people seem content to wallow in, instead of looking for ways to improve and elevate themselves above the clichéd depravities most others can’t see beyond. And by that extension, I feel somewhat culpable, because I come from loosely the same genetic material. Humans are nothing more than mammals with an undeserved sense of entitlement and conceit, as far as I’m concerned. Sure, nature is cruel and unforgiving in her design, but it seems humanity has taken delight in sadistically tilting the balance in their favor, while blindly driving everything into the ground. I don’t claim my perspective is unique or revolutionary. Thousands of books have been written about how humans are killing themselves and their environment throughout history. But while many of these philosophers and Chicken Littles cry out that our end is nigh unless we change our ways, my solution is to just stay out of it. I’ve dealt with depression for years, and I finally started to feel better about my position when I stopped wanting to be a part of it all and focused on ways I can make myself and my life better. God knows medication never worked. While I’ve never been a social butterfly, I’ve had my share of friends throughout the years, and while I have some fond memories of them and the times we’ve had, I feel more fulfilled pursuing my own interests and hobbies, which by nature are solitary. I was in the Army over a period of 6 non-consecutive years and completed two civilian contracts overseas in Iraq, so most of the friends I’ve made are scattered around the world. But I’m not interested in a lot of the things most people are; I detest sports. I don’t drink. I’m married and faithful to my wife. I don’t have cable tv, and if I did, I would only watch historical or educational programs. I really hate modern cinema. I love music, but I find it hard to connect to anything new coming out. Sometimes I go to concerts, but I usually get irritated by the audience. When I have free time, which despite the fact that I am currently unemployed I don’t have much of, I like to read or write. I’m currently selling off most everything I’ve collected over the last 12+ years on eBay; basically everything that isn’t GI Joe related, but also some GI Joe stuff that I have extras of, or don’t need anymore, in an effort to reduce our material possessions and increase our savings. Anyway, since I’ve been a part of the ‘Tank for over 3 years now, I was wondering if there were others on here that felt the same way I did about these things, or perhaps wanted to discuss other interests we might share. Aside from GI Joe, I’m interested in HP Lovecraft, WWII and military history, parapsychology and unexplained phenomena, living off the land/grid, conspiracy theories and alternative history, industrial and goth music, the impending apocalypse, cats, and a myriad of other things. I dunno. I feel like an ass for bringing this out into the open, but PM if you’re interested in talking anyway.
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11-19-2011, 01:29 PM | #2 |
Broca Beach Realtor
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Broca Beach
Posts: 8,260
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Once you hit your late twenties there is no societal method for making new friends in place. There was an episode of it's always sunny that covered this problem.
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"[Zarana] it's obvious by how many post[sic] you have... That you live a sheltered life...probably surrounded by your toys" |
11-19-2011, 01:50 PM | #3 |
endlesssummerofthedamned
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Midway, PA
Posts: 3,773
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I've never watched that show, but I don't dispute the fact unless you have the natural aptitude for making friends. I don't even know if I agree that all people are social by nature; it seems to me that 'groups' of people are primarily a large part of what's wrong with the world anyway. Be it religious, racial, geographical, political, sexual, financial, or any other divisive categorization - these are the ways people affirm their superiority over one another and exclude those that don't fit in with their ideals or persecutory beliefs.
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11-19-2011, 02:20 PM | #4 |
Im Charming
Join Date: May 2008
Location: The Mitten
Posts: 42,053
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i dont have time for the living
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11-19-2011, 02:59 PM | #5 |
I Brake For Asari!
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Thessia
Posts: 32,377
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Any "friends" I make now are almost always older than me...there are a few exceptions. I have few friends and most are solitary like yourself or I...that doesn't mean they aren't married just that they tend to be loner types with a myriad of hobbies, and usually involve reading or whatever. I have 2 friends I try to hang out with at least once a month, a few I see maybe once a year, and then my brother and father I see all the time.
Like yourself my likes and hobbies tend to lead me to a solitary lifestyle, but I also think our society is going through changes in social relations--I don't know where that ends up, but with the amount of wireless communication now it doesn't look good for lasting and "real" friendships. I'm interested in many of the things you are, but I think many are. But as you said your interests lead you into your own world, and they are probably in the same boat. Having those interests requires study, time and effort, and with family time included it doesn't lend itself to spare time probably. I wouldn't think it strange or anything...if anything normal...just not American Idol/Dancing with the Stars normal...if you know what I mean?
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11-19-2011, 03:36 PM | #6 |
endlesssummerofthedamned
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Midway, PA
Posts: 3,773
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Quote:
Any "friends" I make now are almost always older than me...there are a few exceptions. I have few friends and most are solitary like yourself or I...that doesn't mean they aren't married just that they tend to be loner types with a myriad of hobbies, and usually involve reading or whatever. I have 2 friends I try to hang out with at least once a month, a few I see maybe once a year, and then my brother and father I see all the time.
Like yourself my likes and hobbies tend to lead me to a solitary lifestyle, but I also think our society is going through changes in social relations--I don't know where that ends up, but with the amount of wireless communication now it doesn't look good for lasting and "real" friendships. I'm interested in many of the things you are, but I think many are. But as you said your interests lead you into your own world, and they are probably in the same boat. Having those interests requires study, time and effort, and with family time included it doesn't lend itself to spare time probably. I wouldn't think it strange or anything...if anything normal...just not American Idol/Dancing with the Stars normal...if you know what I mean? Relationships are hit and miss. Like my wife and I - we both have a short tolerance of other people, including those we actually know and like. Yet, she and I often comment that we're lucky we found each other because of this condition - be it our expectations or standards are set too high, or our threshhold for acceptance is too selective - whatever the case might be, it's not the only reason we have very few friends. Most people just don't have the time. But our time here is short, and I think my wife's preoccupation with this issue lately is that our neighbor died recently. He was a bit of a shut-in, a loner, and an alcoholic. He was nice enough to talk to, and never intruded. But his family, who all the while we'd lived here we'd never seen anyone except his mother come by to drive him around, started showing up. I hate the term 'hoarder', but I guess that's what he was. And his daughters and brother and other members of his family came to clean up the mess he left behind. It was sad, because nobody really knew if he chose his solitude, or it was forced upon him, but the one daughter said that it was probably the cause of his death - loneliness. I guess that's one of those things that 'gets you thinking' about what it will be like when it's your time. Of course, it doesn't make starting relationships any easier, and for those people I haven't seen or heard from in a while, I used to send emails or letters fairly regularly, but it always seemed to be me who would initiate these things. It goes both ways, and I think I got to the point where if it was always me asking how they're doing, or seeing what's new, then they're probably not interested enough in my friendship to keep bothering them.
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11-19-2011, 04:58 PM | #7 |
Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 19,093
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Try swinging
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11-19-2011, 05:09 PM | #8 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: quad cities
Posts: 4,918
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11-19-2011, 05:18 PM | #9 |
Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 19,093
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11-19-2011, 05:20 PM | #10 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: quad cities
Posts: 4,918
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