[Jmacq1]

I mostly agree with a lot of the candidates here, so in lieu of offering up a differing opinion, I'll just say that over time some of the Cobra "misfit vehicles" have started to almost make sense to me. The Pogo I see as something Mindbender cooked up as a psychological warfare kind of thing. The kind of thing where an opposing fighter sees it in action and is just so dumbfounded by the sheer absurdity of it that they become temporarily easy pickings for other troops/vehicles. (That said, I popped off the legs and after that it was "Cobra Commander's Escape Pod" that he always seemed to have tucked away into whatever Cobra Base he was at. Don't ask me how it was supposed to land, as preteen me hadn't thought that far ahead).

The Battle Barge and to a lesser extent the Imp were "punishment vehicles." There's a reason they showed Toxo-Vipers on both of them! If you were in the "leaky suit brigade" and still weren't up to snuff, you might end up stuck on one of those... (Also I imagined the Battle Barge was a thing that EEL candidates get assigned to as a hazing thing).

The Imp would just cook you (and probably deafen/blind you) when it fired. Though at least it has the redeeming quality of serving a purpose that makes sense.

The Buzz Boar, however, I love pretty unironically once I realized that for a fictional vehicle it'd probably be a reasonably effective "obstacle clearer" especially in large numbers (think along the lines of some of Thanos' vehicles in Infinity War just...a lot smaller). Good for making breaches in wire and fences and even some walls (with the missiles/guns).

[the Scream Man]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xerofall

There's a blast shield that deflects the thrust. Best they could do.


Image from 3DJoes.com

...That shield has holes in it. EVen if we assume its made of future space material that wouldnt incinerate coz its so thin... it has holes in it.

[07GT500 COBRA]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yeet

It’s actually genius. The radar locate the fish and the guns harvest them!

And then you can smoke 'em in a coastal defender converted into a smokehouse.

[Yeet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 07GT500 COBRA

And then you can smoke 'em in a coastal defender converted into a smokehouse.

The Barges' lasers cook the fish already. The coastal defender is the outhouse for when the fish "pass thru"

[RL Bliss]

I’m too much of a Joe sheep to name the 10 worst...

[Xerofall]

Quote:

Originally Posted by RL Bliss

I’m too much of a Joe sheep to name the 10 worst...

Yeah, I only came up with like 4. And I own all 4.

[Playful]

This thread topic has been a fun read so far.

Since you brought that vehicle up, let me ask, what is the deal with that 1988 Cobra Battle Barge toy? I know it floats, and seats three gunners, but all of you brought up great points, and yet missed on several others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eight

Since this got bumped, can anyone explain why the Cobra Battle Barge isn't listed here!?

Nevermind a top 10, you only need one pick... and it's the "barge".

It's not a barge; it'd be useless in battle; and I'm pretty certain it's just a left-over mould from something else that Hasbro decided to stick in a box. Someone obviously noticed it floats, and so it became a barge.

I hate this thing so much.

Wrong. By definition, it is a barge. It is a small boat, flat-bottomed, and can rotate clockwise or counterclockwise using the joy stick platform directional control (#12, blueprints). My guess is that Cobra tows them out to a location, and anchors them in place much like a buoy, or else the gulf currents would take them away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Owner of a Lonely B.A.T.

Ahhh the Battle Barge.

Its like Cobra said, "Hey the fishing around Cobra Island is great. How can we get the Commander to surround the Island with fishing platforms?"

*SNAP*

"I've got it...add three guns and a radar dish and call it a Battle Barge!"

Although it was never intended that way, you know darn well that some Cobra troops have certainly snuck alcoholic beverages and fishing tackle out to that thing. Why not?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yeet

It’s actually genius. The radar locate the fish and the guns harvest them!

Yeah, no. It features a magnetic array detection radar (#4, blueprints), so that wouldn’t work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eight

Hahahaha.

I did wonder if it's supposed to be some kind of floating outpost but, even by Cobra standards, it'd be suicide to man it.

Weirdly, despite how much I hate it, I'm currently looking for one. Hasbro knew how to make it money it seems, even if they couldn't design barges.

Probably would be. Because the box says that the Cobra Battle Barge is the first line of defense for Cobra Island, that would place the tethered locations at the farthest points away from Cobra Island. It goes on to say that it detects attackers with the long range radar, and then finishes them off with major firepower. (I'll explain more on that later.)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cobra Agent 66

How'd you like to be put on that Battle Barge, somewhere out in the Pacific or the Gulf of Mexico, with no shade, nowhere to walk, no fridge, no bathroom, not even a fan, for a 48 hour shift lol

I can’t imagine them ever being used in the Pacific, but even in the Gulf of Mexico the conditions would be brutal. I imagine them as a watery guard tower, and can’t imagine any watch to exceed four or six hours in duration, even for an organization as cruel and uncaring as COBRA.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DerStahlhelm

Not to mention getting your brain microwaved by that midget radar mast.

I know, right? The radiation from a phased array such as this one tells me that the watchstanders spend their time drinking and fishing with the radar deactivated, but if a waterborne or flying craft approaches, they switch on the long range radar and Cobra Island receives the data.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sean_C

Battle Barge could be manned by BATS. But, then if you are going to do that, why not just make the whole thing automated and remove the need for personnel, organic or android?

Interesting idea, but the salt water would ruin them. The B.A.Ts might switch the radar on all the time, and ruin any strategic value of the radar locations.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jmacq1

… The Battle Barge and to a lesser extent the Imp were "punishment vehicles." There's a reason they showed Toxo-Vipers on both of them! If you were in the "leaky suit brigade" and still weren't up to snuff, you might end up stuck on one of those... (Also I imagined the Battle Barge was a thing that EEL candidates get assigned to as a hazing thing) …

Those are all great ideas. I like the way you think.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yeet

The Barges' lasers cook the fish already…

I know you’re joking, but that brings up my personal pet peeve concerning the Cobra Battle Barge. Only in two places are a laser ever suggested. The back of the box indicates three pivoting laser guns, and the stickers on the toy warn to stay clear of laser arc at each of the three gun locations. (Laser arc, really? Meaning stay out of the way, or beware of welding in progress? Both are ridiculous ideas.)

About those guns. They are 20mm automatic cannons like those used on naval platforms, with a probable range of nearly one mile, effective at downing aircraft within 1,000 yds. easily. Most likely uses explosive shells with detonating fuses (see #1, blueprints). The assembly instructions refer to them as guns, the box cover painting gives them their muzzle flash, the sculpt gives them impressive recoil springs, optical scopes, and laser sight emitters underneath.

They wouldn’t need to shoot very much, but when they do, it would be quite lethal.

So in battle, the gunners on the barge activate the radar when they see/hear an enemy approaching. Tele-Vipers on Cobra Island instantly activate Island defensive measures. Gunners take a shot at the enemy if they can. If a fellow gunner is killed, survivors use the joystick to rotate the barge enough to allow free fire from the living gunner(s). Gunners would continue to paint enemy vehicles with their laser emitters for as long as possible, so that other Cobra vehicles with more powerful weaponry can eliminate threats approaching Cobra Island.

At least, that’s how I’ve always imagined this toy…

[Sean_C]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Playful

So in battle, the gunners on the barge activate the radar when they see/hear an enemy approaching. Tele-Vipers on Cobra Island instantly activate Island defensive measures. Gunners take a shot at the enemy if they can. If a fellow gunner is killed, survivors use the joystick to rotate the barge enough to allow free fire from the living gunner(s). Gunners would continue to paint enemy vehicles with their laser emitters for as long as possible, so that other Cobra vehicles with more powerful weaponry can eliminate threats approaching Cobra Island.

At least, that’s how I’ve always imagined this toy…

You probably put far more thought into the Battle Barge than the designer(s) at Hasbro probably did.

[Junkyard84]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yeet

The coastal defender is the outhouse

This is the correctest take

[Yeet]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junkyard84

This is the correctest take

Yes. Thancc yoo