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09-11-2008, 01:36 AM | #1 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New Joisey
Posts: 182
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Beloved Hasbro,
When we first met I was a wee tyke, and didn't realize that you were responsible for my first brush with adventure in the form of V1 Snake Eyes and Soundwave/Buzzsaw. Here were are 25 years later and our love affair has continued unhindered, with badass new versions of my classic Joes and Transformers. I thank you. I am grateful that you absorbed Kenner and Toybiz, providing me with Star Wars and soon 3 3/4 inch Marvel figures. It wouldn't hurt for you to go ahead and absorb DC and Masters of the Universe as well, to show those Mattell idiots how things are done. You've made my life infinitely more colorful, and although you rape my wallet without a condom several times a month, I adore you. Your shady ways never bother me, and I don't even mind your multiple repaints of flagship characters, as I tend to customize the ones I get stuck with in multipacks into other characters. I truly thank you for everything! I have a proposal for you, beloved Hasbro, but first an explanation as to why...Your 25th line of GI Joes rocks my socks, but I have had a devil of a time locating these elusive figures. My girlfriend and I are starting to feel silly while perusing empty shelves with GI Joe stickers on the pegs. Not counting the mass release vehicle packs, I have overpayed for everything in the line on either ebay, bbts, or smalljoes. Now GI Joe is finally appearing in my local stores!!! I'm not sure if this is due to you producing greater numbers of GI Joe toys or other people losing interest in the line, but I am FINALLY starting to find these products in stores. Only a year late, but I'll take it!!! Thanks again! Unfortunately, now that I can find your products, it is still a near impossibility to find army builders or store exclusives on actual shelves. Therefore I still have to resort to overpaying online. This becomes a serious drain when armybuilding in sets of 4, as I tend to do. Now I don't mind overpaying at all, as these figures are worth ten times more than the asking price to me...Though, seeing as how you began very sucessfully brainwashing me into being obsessed with your toys 25 years ago, I think you owe me a little something, and after all the enjoyment you've given me, I think that I owe you a little something too. To that end, my beloved Hasbro, it occurs to me that the only toys I can regularly find without a problem are relatively high priced items like vehicle and DVD packs. This makes me wonder if scalpers are hesitant to invest in higher cost items. Therefore, I am imploring you to raise the prices on armybuilder figures to $20 each, as well as raising the price on your Target Exclusive Rattler and Conquest to $60. If you were to do this, we collectors would have a much better chance of finding these GI Joe products in stores, and rather than allowing some strange online merchant to rape our bank accounts, the rapist would be an old friend named Hasbro. With all the extra money you make you could pay someone to destroy the "Duke Arms" mold that you seem to be so fond of. I am happy to volunteer my services for destroying the Duke arms mold free of charge, and I will even bring my own hammer. Of course, the reality of the situation would probably be that scalpers would buy the overpriced items and scalp them at a 200% profit which would destroy my wallet in the end. Thus, it might be easier for you to simply stock your website every so often...Doing so would suddenly make sense of the fact that you own an online shopping website, and I might actually be able to find these little plastic bastards that you've forced me to collect without pulling out any more hair. My family will thank you in the end. With Love and Praise, Michael N. |
09-11-2008, 02:10 AM | #2 |
Toy Collector
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Astoria,Queens
Posts: 49
|
My Turn.
Dear Hasbro. Please release the BATS and Snow Serpents like you did with the Crimson Guard and the Night Watch guys. XOXO Albert
__________________
Yo Joe! Convoy Go! |
09-11-2008, 02:46 AM | #3 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Central-California
Posts: 2,047
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My Turn
Dear Hasbro I'm I done bending over? Yours truly
__________________
Loyal fan since 1982. FEEDBACK: http://www.hisstank.com/forum/buy-se...-bernit69.html WANT\HAVES http://www.hisstank.com/forum/g-i-jo...tml#post508084 |
09-11-2008, 03:45 AM | #4 |
Iron Grenadier
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 688
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My turn:
Hasbro, please address the all too common problem of rape analogies. I don't think people understand the truly dehumanizing act that they so playfully compare with toy collecting. A good counseling session with your HR department on hostile environment and sexual harrassment should clear this problem right up. Your truly, Gaelinic
__________________
I'm the best there is at what I do, ha ha! But, what I do isn't very nice, ha ha! http://www.hisstank.com/forum/buy-se...-gaelinic.html |
09-11-2008, 03:58 AM | #5 |
Banned
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Fontana
Posts: 1,802
|
My Turn:
Dear Hasbro, Can you try to, oh, i dont know, make figures look like they do on the card art? Or at least like the vintage toy? Look at Dukes Face. REally. Look at it. Now look at the card art. Go ahead ill wait. See? Different people. TRY HARDER. And how about finishing off the oh, nearly 500 figures from 1982-1994 before you start shoveling Matt Tracker And WRaith garbage at us? Even the neon power ranger looking vipers would be better. And whats the hold up with obvious retools and repaints? Why isnt python and tiger force done yet? That is all. -5cythe |
Dark 5cythe |
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09-11-2008, 04:08 AM | #6 |
Iron Grenadier
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado
Posts: 688
|
Quote:
My Turn:
Dear Hasbro, Can you try to, oh, i dont know, make figures look like they do on the card art? Or at least like the vintage toy? Look at Dukes Face. REally. Look at it. Now look at the card art. Go ahead ill wait. See? Different people. TRY HARDER. And how about finishing off the oh, nearly 500 figures from 1982-1994 before you start shoveling Matt Tracker And WRaith garbage at us? Even the neon power ranger looking vipers would be better. And whats the hold up with obvious retools and repaints? Why isnt python and tiger force done yet? That is all. -5cythe
__________________
I'm the best there is at what I do, ha ha! But, what I do isn't very nice, ha ha! http://www.hisstank.com/forum/buy-se...-gaelinic.html |
09-11-2008, 05:42 AM | #7 |
Banned
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 2,647
|
Dear Hasbro;
I would like to buy Hasbro, Inc. Would you accept my offer of $500,000,000.00? |
09-11-2008, 07:41 AM | #8 |
Bovine Excrement Viper
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Location? Location!
Posts: 5,890
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I was just beginning to get weary of the set-up when the punchline hit. Bravo.
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09-11-2008, 10:03 AM | #9 |
Banned
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New Joisey
Posts: 182
|
Post Script...
Hasbro, I realize that I might have been insensitive when I used the word rape. However, I meant it in the kindest sense of the word, like a drunken old friend forcibly assaulting my wallet sexually from behind while screaming "Shut up b**ch." However, since wallet rapes have become all too common in this day and age, I can understand that someone on the internet is offended by my usage of the term "rape," so I retract my earlier statement. Instead of using rape as an analogy, let us say that you, Hasbro, should come over to my house a few times a month bearing repaints, punch me in the nuts, and then kidnap my wallet. So far as I know, wallet rape is more of a real world problem than wallet kidnapping, so this should satisfy the masses. Apologies to any wallets who have been raped and read my earlier post and were offended. Sincerely, Michael N. Advocate of Wallet Rights |
09-11-2008, 10:35 AM | #10 |
Bovine Excrement Viper
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Location? Location!
Posts: 5,890
|
My turn:
Hasbro, please address the marginally common problem of kidnapping analogies. I don't think people understand the truly dehumanizing act that they so playfully compare with toy collecting. A good counseling session with your HR department on hostile environment and a good game of capture-the-flag should clear this problem right up. Yours truly, Hellion42 |
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