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01-25-2024, 01:11 AM | #11 |
Content Creator
Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 21
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Hi all, thanks for reading.
Yes, the 'zandar is not seen' was a direct easter egg. And he does indeed get set up for a season 2. And you are right regarding Dreadnoks being the focal point. But this can manifest in many ways. For one thing, the Dreadnoks are the main point of contention, the thing the heros want to catch or stop. But also, because I mean to build on what the cartoon started with Zarana--she will indeed have internal conflict. Eventually falling for a Joe (mainframe is the obvious one--but maybe least likely within the confines of this narrative). My goal is to have Zarana captured at the end. Zartan gets his Macguffin and escapes. One or two of the dreadnoks must die for the story to have gravitas. I'm setting up Buzzer to be pretty diabolical. I think the story cannot be afraid to injure/kill characters. This isn't 1980s cartoons where everyone misses their shots constantly. |
01-25-2024, 01:18 AM | #12 |
Content Creator
Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 21
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Speaking of which... a peek at a much later scene.
Scarlet finds the roofline. Sees the gunner but before she can fire, bullets rip across the alley. Both the mercenary and Sneed are hit. Scarlet clenches her teeth. Crosshairs on the gunner. She takes him out. Rushes to Sneed, who's lying on the ground. "Sneed! Sneed, talk to me!" He let's out a groan. "Medic! Hang tight, Sneed. Medic!" Capt. Greer sees Scarlett calling for help, there's a wounded ranger in her lap. Greer pushes his way through the chaos. Slides down next to them, half way into his satchel. "He caught two rounds." "Help me turn him over." Greer feels for exit wounds. Looks Sneed over. "He's losing blood." He cuts open Sneed's vest and shirt. Two wounds leak blood onto the asphalt. Greer juts two latex covered fingers into Sneed's wounds. Finds what he's looking for. Fishes forceps from a pouch on his side. He jabs the forceps into the wound. Sneed cries in pain. "Keep him still!" Greer's face is the epitome of concentration. Even the sweat tenses. Too much blood. He maneuvers the forceps blind to his fingers. Squeeze them. Pinches the artery. Pulls the blood vessel towards the opening. Ties them off with length of thread. Scarlet can't believe the precision. She pulls the balaclava off Sneed's head. "Hang in there, Sneed!" Greer tears open two packets of coagulant. Spreads them into the wounds. Starts packing them with gauze. "He needs a medevac." "Hear that, Sneed? You're goin for a ride." Sneed lifts his head off the ground, just about expending every available ounce of energy he has and whispers... "Call- Call me, Beach Head." Scarlet smiles. But it's short lived as two soldiers load Sneed onto a stretcher and carry him away. "Doc, is he gonna--" "I tied off the artery. But he needs an OR." Somewhere someone else yells, "Medic!" Greer is gone. Scarlett holds the Balaclava in her hands. Last edited by GenerationJoe; 01-25-2024 at 10:41 AM.. |
01-25-2024, 04:12 PM | #13 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: baldwinsville new york
Posts: 1,782
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Because Zandar is an underdeveloped lame character for the most part, most writers could do a whole story about Junkyard walking around Joe HQ and make it better than most Zandar stories they could come up with. His file card says he's got an issue, cause he's normally forgotten. why...he's corny. He has few options. Stooge to his siblings, bitter to his older brother, lusting after his sister lowkey..or a sociopath that kicks kittens. For years DT we have heard your cries for the twins. And everyone has let you rock. Then you started a fan-fiction and did nothing with it. How about you focus all your love on a damn good story about the Twins and make us all appreciate poor lonely Zandar as you do. Write a story. Prove us wrong he's not lame.
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01-25-2024, 10:02 PM | #14 |
Crimson Nerd
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Virginia
Posts: 12,579
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The weird part is that being able to go unnoticed and being forgettable is a really, really useful skill for any kind of covert operator.
Zandar shouldn't feel overshadowed by his brother, unless he's just hung up on leadership and fighting skill. Zandar SHOULD be a really useful Cobra/Dreadnok operative as an infiltrator, social engineer, and assassin. He's lacking in established personality, that much is very true, but he's got the building blocks of a cool character if someone really wanted to build on them. I would paint him as a loyal brother who's every bit as dangerous and skilled as his siblings but people constantly underestimate him because he isn't flashy, doesn't have their charisma, and doesn't really care about glory or advancement. And that's if they see him coming at all. The kind of guy that unnerves other Dreadnoks because they just don't get him (and let's be honest someone that naturally stealthy is going to be pretty spooky no matter how you slice it). The real question is: If Zandar and Ghostrider fight each other, do they both end up not fighting because they can't remember who the other guy is? Last edited by Jmacq1; 01-25-2024 at 10:08 PM.. |
01-26-2024, 12:55 AM | #15 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4,184
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Quote:
Speaking of which... a peek at a much later scene.
Scarlet finds the roofline. Sees the gunner but before she can fire, bullets rip across the alley. Both the mercenary and Sneed are hit. Scarlet clenches her teeth. Crosshairs on the gunner. She takes him out. Rushes to Sneed, who's lying on the ground. "Sneed! Sneed, talk to me!" He let's out a groan. "Medic! Hang tight, Sneed. Medic!" Capt. Greer sees Scarlett calling for help, there's a wounded ranger in her lap. Greer pushes his way through the chaos. Slides down next to them, half way into his satchel. "He caught two rounds." "Help me turn him over." Greer feels for exit wounds. Looks Sneed over. "He's losing blood." He cuts open Sneed's vest and shirt. Two wounds leak blood onto the asphalt. Greer juts two latex covered fingers into Sneed's wounds. Finds what he's looking for. Fishes forceps from a pouch on his side. He jabs the forceps into the wound. Sneed cries in pain. "Keep him still!" Greer's face is the epitome of concentration. Even the sweat tenses. Too much blood. He maneuvers the forceps blind to his fingers. Squeeze them. Pinches the artery. Pulls the blood vessel towards the opening. Ties them off with length of thread. Scarlet can't believe the precision. She pulls the balaclava off Sneed's head. "Hang in there, Sneed!" Greer tears open two packets of coagulant. Spreads them into the wounds. Starts packing them with gauze. "He needs a medevac." "Hear that, Sneed? You're goin for a ride." Sneed lifts his head off the ground, just about expending every available ounce of energy he has and whispers... "Call- Call me, Beach Head." Scarlet smiles. But it's short lived as two soldiers load Sneed onto a stretcher and carry him away. "Doc, is he gonna--" "I tied off the artery. But he needs an OR." Somewhere someone else yells, "Medic!" Greer is gone. Scarlett holds the Balaclava in her hands. (I hope you appreciate the tongue-in-cheek tone that this was meant to be read in). |
01-26-2024, 10:25 PM | #16 |
Content Creator
Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 21
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Quote:
Every second you post here is time you are not working on finishing this. Get back to work. I want to see it. Quit your job. Stop talking to your wife. Cut out showers, sleep, and most eating (that will just result in you having to take bathroom breaks). I want a good 23 1/2 hours of work on this every day until it is finished.
(I hope you appreciate the tongue-in-cheek tone that this was meant to be read in). |
01-30-2024, 12:30 AM | #17 |
Content Creator
Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 21
|
Another chapter: The Request
Provost finishes dialing. Raises the pay phone receiver up to his ear. His eyes never off the dark blue Trans Am parked down a block away. A man?s voice answers. "State your access key." "Charlie, hotel, uniform, kilo, Lima, echo, sierra." "Confirmed." "I need satt surveilance for at my current location. Condition five." He can hear the clickity-clack of the operator hammering the keys of his keyboard. "Corner of Stewart and 42nd. Confirm?" "Yep." "Standby." More furious tapping on the keyboard. Provost watches a thug, in black leather with flouro green stripes in his hair, saunter out into the street. Leans up against the Trans Am, picking at his fingernails with a knife. "Surveillance request denied." "What?" "Request denied. Do you have another request?" Provost, frustrated, pulls the phone handset away from his head, but not before adding... "Yeah, suck my?." He hangs up. Looks up at the Trans Am making direct eye contact with Green Stripes. "Fu---" The thug rushes to the driver?s side door. Provost scrambles for his bike. He can hear the thunderous roar of the Trans Am coming to life even from a block down. So much for surveillance. |
01-30-2024, 12:31 AM | #18 |
Content Creator
Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 21
|
A few more pics.
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01-30-2024, 08:19 PM | #19 |
Content Creator
Join Date: Jan 2024
Location: South Carolina
Posts: 21
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Hey if you are reading these let me know with a comment!
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01-30-2024, 09:14 PM | #20 |
Kolhii-Head
Join Date: Aug 2023
Location: Behind a 7-11
Posts: 324
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I like the Chris Evans/Chris Hemsworth/Brad Pitt/Chad Kroeger version of Chuckles quite a lot
I think the longer hair and more grungy look makes for a more interesting version of the character I'd love to see a figure of it, though I know we never will
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