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05-05-2010, 02:56 PM | #1 |
Cobra Viper
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: houston tx
Posts: 254
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THIS IS A STORY I AM CURRENTLY WRITING,PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK SO FAR.
G.I.JOE: OUTLAW PART 1. For years G.I.Joe has stood against the terrorist forces of cobra, but now the tide has turned .Through the use of deep cover operatives cobra has managed to infiltrate several of the world most powerful nations including the united states. Duke having discovered the truth of the cobra infiltration rushed to inform general hawk of the secret invasion perpetrated by cobra. However he was already to late. Cobra had already sent secret documents to hawk implicating Duke as a double agent for cobra, framing Duke for crimes he did not commit. Now on the run not only from the cobra controlled forces of the worlds top governments but from the G.I.Joes themselves. (phone rings) ”General hawk?” “yes mister president?” “what is the status of major Hauser?” “I’ve dispatched Snake Eyes and Spirit to locate and apprehend him, it should only be a matter of time until they find him. I still can’t believe Duke of all people could have betrayed us like this.” A troubled look sits firmly across Hawks face. “I know how you feel Hawk, but the evidence is over whelming, Duke is a traitor.” “I know mister president and we will find him, of that I am sure.” |
05-05-2010, 03:17 PM | #2 |
#voteblackjack
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Northwood, NH
Posts: 35,747
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Nice start.
Just a suggestion, but break out the discussions so it's one per line. Hard to read like that.
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05-05-2010, 03:29 PM | #3 |
Cobra Viper
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: houston tx
Posts: 254
|
yea it was writen differently but for some reason it came out bunched up
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