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05-19-2008, 02:21 PM | #1 |
Banned
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,063
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I've told sad stories, I've told fun stories. I've told people about a young boy with leukemia (my main man Marky), asked for support with my GF (who is now seeing a shrink regularly, btw) and talked about "pathetic" customs seen on E-bay. Now, I will relate to you, this lovely and humorous story of my attempt to mail paint to Hiss Tank member Deckard and custom fodder parts to Daremo. This was approx. 2 weeks ago, I just haven't taken the time to relate it.
I was driving North on Wiley Blvd. ( a major street in my hometown) when I realized I had just passed a State Trooper going 3 over the limit. Not the worst thing I could have been doing, but who wants to chance a ticket? I immeadiately slowed down (slew? Darn you tenses...) and thought, "It's no big deal, I'm turning into the Post Office in two blocks, he won't pull me oveer". Well, I pulled into the PO parking lot, and guess who follows me in. I get out of my car, trying to look completely normal (though, realistically, I had done nothing wrong), and retrieved the paints and parts from my trunk. I watched as the trooper drove along the quick mail boxes, and figured "Alright, it's all gravy." I went inside and saw "The Old One", a friendly but EXTREMELY THOROUGH postal worker, that, try as you might, she will always ask you 1,000 questions. As I'm waiting in line, praying not to get her (I had my Coll. Algebra final in less than half an hour), I heaqrd a "Beep" and turned to see, you guessed it, the St. Trooper standing behind me. "Yeah, I'm here. I'm taken care of it right now," he siad, looking at me. I smiled, trying to remain completely calm (yes, I know he couldn't give me a speeding ticket anymore, but after the two bogus ones I recieved last year, it still made me nervous, and I had enough bills to pay) and nodded. The officer made no movement. Finally, it was my turn, and, yes, I got "The Old One". Immeadiately, I told her I just wanted to ship my items, nothing else. Daremo's parts weree easy enough, but then came the paints. After telling her they were paints, she retrieved a giant HAZARDOUS MATERIALS guidebook, which warranted the attention of the officer. I sighed and answered the rest of her questions, then said "Please, just give me regular shipping, nothing else." Well, she HAD to ask "Would you like insurance?", and my quick answer was 'It's not coming back", which obviously made the St. Trooper glance suspiciously in my direction. Angry with my response, I clenched my eyes and jaw. "Would you like delivery confirmation?", to which I hastily replied, "Lady, I'll know when it gets there." Again, the feeling of "OMG, what did I just say?" washed over me. The Trooper turned completely towards me and leaned on the counter, watching me as he answered his own set of questions from his postal worker. Hoping to avoid suspicion, I paid the lady and moved to another part of the PO, taking out my cell phone and calling a friend in an effort to act exttremely casual. My friend answered, and was currently playing a game of Halo 3. What type of match you say? Well, shouldn't it be obvious? Assault. What's that? "What is assault?" you ask? Why, dear reader, assault is a game were you try to get a bomb into your enemy's base. "Groan," you say? Yes, my friend, you see where this is going. Feeling relaxed in my conversation, I talk with my friend as I leave the PO, and he beings to complain about the game. His teammates are useless, and he is left to scrore on his own. Finally, my dramatic instruction is; "Who caqres if you die, just get the bomb there!" Now, you know those moments when you swear in your head, and you think every bad word you know, including those that technnically and grammatically don't fit the situation? Just that string of bad words you expect at the bar during the Super Bowl? Yeah..... I turned, and there, in all his govermental glory, was the State Trooper. "Everything all right, son?" he asked, a Southern twang in his voice (WHO HAS A SOUTHERN TWANG IN IOWA?!?!?!?!?!?). "Why yes, sir, just talking to myfriend, playing video games. Halo." I said quickly. I held the phone up so he could see, and at that moment, my friend, continuing the streak of bad timing, yells "F*** you, Pig!" Now, please keep in mind, a friend of ours, who is part of our "team", goes by Big Papa Pig #### (numbers removed for identity purposes). I slammed the phone shut and smiled nervously. "He lives on a farm," I lied. The officer looked me over, and slowly masde his way to his car. "Have a nice day, sir." |
Snake Eyes-Joe Ninja |
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05-19-2008, 02:36 PM | #2 |
Epically lazy bastard!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: My Recliner
Posts: 24,028
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lol just trying to mail stuff out is a chorse these days. thank god 24 hour postal automated units. i do all my mailing at night to hopefully avoid those stuations. Damn bro. entertaining to say the least lol.
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05-19-2008, 02:55 PM | #3 |
Plastic lover
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Over The Rainbow!
Posts: 8,395
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You are way too paranoid.
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Anything but to face ourselves as we are... |
05-19-2008, 03:01 PM | #4 |
Banned, haha just kidding
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: I don't like duke.
Posts: 2,222
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HAHAHAHA!! I love how you said he lives on a farm, hahah!
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05-19-2008, 08:34 PM | #5 |
Cobra Viper
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Edmonton, AB
Posts: 306
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None of what you did (except the speeding) is actionable; if he tried to arrest you for it you could sue him & the State for a whole heck of a lot of money.
My guess? You caught his attention, he took a look, decided to wind you up, and spent twenty minutes laughing about it down at the pub later that night.
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11 November - Lest We Forget "Yes. I'm a mouse..." <sigh> -Reepacheep |
05-19-2008, 08:39 PM | #6 |
Banned
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: LOS ANGELES
Posts: 518
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your are obviously a tweeker. j/k hahhahaha you think too much man
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05-19-2008, 08:54 PM | #7 |
Hisstank Ninja
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mint on Card
Posts: 8,956
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That's HILARIOUS.
I'm totally with you man. I have no reason to have anyone suspect me of anything, but for whatever reason, when I'm in the toy aisle, I'm always afraid someone's going to accuse me of something or whatever. That was a good story, best laugh I've had today.
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05-19-2008, 09:06 PM | #8 |
Banned
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,063
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The main reason why I was upset was because I have two previous tickets on my record (both bogus in my opinion... WHO DOESN'T SPPED DOWN A HILL?!?!?!?!?), so if I got another, then I would have lost my license...
Still, I wanted to share a humurous story. |
Snake Eyes-Joe Ninja |
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05-19-2008, 11:10 PM | #9 |
pegwarmer.
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The MI
Posts: 2,287
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paranoid or not, that's a funny story... sounded like something out of a national lampoons movie...
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