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Thread
:
Snake Eyes Movie Discussion with SPOILERS!!!
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07-28-2021, 09:16 PM
TheVileOne
Cobra Viper
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: CA
Posts: 414
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Ash Talon
The Snake-Eyes movie isn't just a bad GI Joe movie. It's just a terrible movie period. There's almost nothing good about it. It's a patchwork assembly of scenes and motivations. It's completely lacking personality, depth, or joy. Much like its main character.
Making your hero actually the villain in his own origin story could potentially be interesting, but it requires deft craftmanship to do it. This film can't pull it off. You better make the main character likeable or at least interesting. Snake-Eyes is not a hero. Any integrity the character exhibits is actually a lie to meet his own selfish interests. It was at the moment SE is about to slit the throat of a defenseless man that I had to wonder, "Who is this movie for? Aren't kids supposed to want to buy toys after seeing this?"
At the heart of any Snake-Eyes story will likely be his relationship with Storm Shadow. Their relationship here only seems to take place over a few days. And it's based on SE lying to SS and causing his downfall. Again, the hero is the problem. The source of SS's character crash is his apparent pride, yet he never really seems that prideful. He doesn't like to listen to his security chief, although it's never clear why. Does he not like outsiders? He just brought one into the clan. And one of the clan's Masters clearly had origins outside of the family. While this film could have spent more time developing the new friendship between SE and SS, it gives new character Akiko seemingly more interactions with SE than SS gets. Akiko isn't a bad character, but it would have been wiser to develop the SE/SS relationship more instead.
The villain Kenta is generic and not particularly memorable. His quest to steal a magic crystal is so laughably silly, it should seem right at home in a GI Joe movie. A GI Joe movie which is trying to have fun, that is. This film is joyless, though. Kenta and SS had a difference of opinion regarding the Arishikage clan, but it doesn't really seem like that difference is spelled out. Kenta seems greedy and involved in bad things. Is SS driven to perform good deeds? SS wants to bring in outsiders to the clan, so he doesn't seem like a traditionalist. So what exactly was their conflict based on again? Kenta was a member of the Arishikage, but he doesn’t tell his undercover agent, Snake-Eyes, how to pass the three tests to join the clan and gain their trust. Seems like that would have been some valuable intel to pass on your inside man. Speaking of the tests, there are giant pythons in this movie. And they're not owned by Cobra. They're owned by the good guy ninjas. Honestly, I almost walked out of the theater when the snakes showed up.
The Arishikage. The old good ninja cliché. Nothing like good guy assassins. Good guy assassins with pure hearts. This seems like a concept which needs some attention to work in the modern storytelling landscape. Batman Begins did some of this legwork with its League of Assassins, who were essentially ninja trying to steer the world in the "right direction." The test to join the secret Arishikage ninja clan? You just have to be humbly kind and not have anger in your heart. And BOOM, you're an Arishikage. Super easy. Don't worry about training. You'll get to that later. Or maybe you won't. Oh by the way, don't worry about being able to detect infiltrators. We rely on laser fences and not finely tuned instincts and awareness. And whatever you do, don't look in the shed we have up the hill. Nothing important is up there. Only 5 people know what's in there. Except when the alarm goes off and everyone runs up there to check on it. Shhh. You weren't supposed to know about our magic rock. Did we tell you about the magic rock? Hold on, you're in for a doozy. We're to guard it but never use it. Why don't we just destroy it? Hmmm. Good question. We'll just keep it in this shed, for now.
GI Joe and Cobra and the Dump of Exposition. Remember how the story was creeping along, and suddenly you got hit in the face with exposition about Cobra and GI Joe and everything else non-ninja during your ninja story? Yeah. Now we all know what whiplash feels like. I wish I could like Scarlett. She seems angry. Probably cause she's hungry. Her cheeks and whatever pride the actress has are being sucked into a black hole. She's not even a character. She just rattles off exposition and platitudes. She could have been interesting, though. Get rid of Akiko (who actually was admirably portrayed). Make Scarlett a "consultant" who is temporarily staying at the temple. Have her questioning Snake-Eyes and his loyalty. You get a chance to develop another Joe and build the Snake-Eyes/Scarlett relationship. Or don't. Just have Scarlett gruffly chew out lines which are too difficult to swallow.
Baroness doesn't really seem all that threatening, and Cobra doesn't seem so secret. The Baroness role, like all vixens, leads itself to some scenery chewing and vamping. But every femme needs her fatale. She's just vamping. She threatens but seems all talk. The actress could be capable but she's not reined in. And apparently can't see betrayal coming (look an accidental theme running through the film!). Cobra is such a secret organization, it leaves its logo on shipping crates for the weapons it deals. Cobra flashing its logo is part of the silly charm to the brand though. However shouldn't it be a MARS Industries logo?
The action was just generic. Snake-Eye's pit fight scene had some style to it, it was also on the edge of nauseating to watch. All the other fight scenes seem to be, "Hey! We're outnumbered." The fights weren't particularly clever or memorable. For an action movie, this seems like sacrilege. One of the heroes must have been a Looney Tunes fan growing up, because they use some Wile E Coyote tactics to defeat the bad guy. At least Scarlett got to shoot her stealthy crossbow, after landing noisily via helicopter. She quickly realizes how silly it is and at least upgrades to something more practical.
Overall, this is a laughably terrible movie. It does nothing to help the brand, but instead just justifies the public's easy dismissal of it. The idea to launch a reboot of a franchise about a team of military experts who battle an evil organization bent on world domination with a film about an unlikable main character and a magic crystal is a bold one. It's also woefully misguided. But much like how GI Joe membership is grandfathered in, GI Joe films will certainly continue to be released but no interest or credit will be earned. Because if you weren't a Joe fan (or member) before, you're certainly not going to be after this movie.
This was an excellent, spot-on writeup.
TheVileOne
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