|05-05-2008, 04:08 AM||#1|
Join Date: Feb 2008
So, I'm pretty sure my fiance and I are through. Her depression and the distance between us is just too much for her to handle. I have fought for the last five months for her, trying my best to make her feel better about her life, tell her that there is a reason to keep going, and somehow, in her head, if she isn't with me, things will be better. Her friends and family tell her otherwise, but she won't go get help and she refuses to listen to reason. At this point, I think the only thing I can do is leave her alone, show her doctor (who says that a girl contemplating suicide is apparently no big deal) the text messages I've recieved and do everything in my power to inform those around her that she needs help. Hopefully, they can do what apparently I cannot.
But at this moment, I can feel a lump in my chest, as if my heart is trying to break out directly from my torso. Should I let her go? Should I even try to fight for a girl who CONSTANTLY demeans me, even though it may not be her fault? I don't know, I just don't know.
No, I'm not looking for some sort of cure-all advice. Maybe I'm looking for words of comfort. Maybe I'm looking for insight that will help me move on. Maybe I'm just looking for an outlet for my frustration. Regardless, I'm looking for something... I just don't know what.
|05-05-2008, 04:27 AM||#2|
Well, this is tough, because I do not know you or your girlfriend...But you shouldn't have to be with someone who belittles you always...She's really going through a time, I can see...She can't really love you until she loves herself..So, I guess it all comes down to how much you love her and believe in her, to stick with her through this...But if it doesn't feel right, walk away...
Tough call..You've been through Hell already friend..My best wishes go out to you and I say, hopefully without sound cliche', hang in there pardner!
|05-05-2008, 08:02 AM||#3|
Join Date: Sep 2007
Well, going through a break up is never easy, the fact that she is your fiance and not just your girlfriend brings the whole mess to a different level.
I went through something similar 4 years ago. I was engaged and my fiance was super jealous to the point where I couldn't watch certain tv shows much less talk to girls that had been friends of mine forever, just to aviod rediculous arguments. Her jealousy ruined our relationship and cost me most of my friends. You know there was this one time when she stabbed a knife through a Wizard Magazine of mine because of a scantily clad Emma Frost, but I digress. Throughout the last 2 years of it I withdrew and stopped trying to fix things. I actually tried to leave a few times but she was so crazy she said she would kill herself, so everytime, out of guilt or just being afraid of what may or may not happen, I stayed.
To keep this short, she eventually left me, and I was crushed. How could this crazy person who threatened suicide if I left, leave me? It's kind of funny if you think about it. I wanted out of this relationship so badly but her being the one to finally call it off was mind boggling. Anyway, within 6 months I was over the break up and came to my senses realizing that this is what I'd wanted for years. Now here I am 4 years later and have never been happier.
My advice is that a bad relationship is not worth fighting for,
life is too short to stay unhappy.
BTW, here's a funny little side note that hopfully puts a smile on your face. As jealous as she was was of all things female, after she dumped me, she became a stripper, go figure.
Last edited by BigErn; 05-05-2008 at 08:16 AM..
|05-05-2008, 08:16 AM||#4|
Cobra Blue Shirt
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Wakefield, RI
|05-05-2008, 08:47 PM||#5|
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: over here
Sorry to hear about all this. Although some might disagree with me I feel that sometimes a person suffering from depression needs to be left alone at times (I only say this from experience). Maybe then she will learn to appreciate what she has. It sounds like you have done all you could to help her and yet she still refuses to do anything about it.
I went through a nasty break-up with a former girlfriend of mine about 12 years ago. We were living together at the time which didn't help matters any. It took me a while to recover from this but eventually somehow I did. In retrospect I am almost glad it happened as it made me a stronger person because of it (not that I wish this kind of situation on anyone).
I truly hope things work out for you, whether you two stay together or part ways. Just know there are people here on hisstank willing to listen when you need to rant and hopefully to offer some comfort as well.
|05-05-2008, 08:50 PM||#6|
Scarred Cobra Officer
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: New Jersey
That's tough... Do what is right.
|05-05-2008, 08:55 PM||#7|
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Edmonton, AB
The reality is a relationship needs both people committing to it to work. If you've been trying to get through to this girl for five months without success, and now she's breaking it off, that's a pretty good sign she's not willing to meet you halfway.
If you honestly think there's a real chance of reconnecting with her, then try. Otherwise, let it go.
Sounds like you're friends with her family; if you can, don't loose that. It'll be one of the hardest things you'll ever do - but learning to be stay cool around your ex and eventually becoming friends again is very valuable. And it means that this won't wipe out your life. Yes, it's ripping away the most important bit of it; but this girl isn't and wasn't everything. Remember that you've got friends, make a point of seeing them and don't let yourself get to thinking you're all alone.
This ain't fun; I'm doing it myself right now as my divorce churns its way through the bureaucracy. But it will pass; and you can either wallow in it, or get over it.
11 November - Lest We Forget
"Yes. I'm a mouse..." <sigh>
|05-05-2008, 09:06 PM||#8|
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: PaDdEd CeLL
seriously if she is that on the edge... this relationship is not healthy for both parties... her or you some people can't or don't want to be saved... I stayed with someone I LOVED more than Life it self...
I supported her in every possibly way financially, emotionally, even when she was in the wrong.... 6 years later she fucked me over completley... Alot of it was my own fault for allowing it to happen, I was the only one who was in control of that relationship I could have chose to leave at any time, But for fear of being alone I stayed HA.... Big Mistake.....
Think of it like this.. if she has so many negative qualities, Would you be comfortable spending the rest of your life with this person? or even having children/adopting children with this person?
I dont know the whole situation other than what was posted.. I can only offer this advice.. life does go on.. and there is someone out there who will like you for you all your little weird quirks... and stuff like that.. So many times we forget that each of us are special.. and each of us deserves to be loved for who we are for some of us its just going to take a little bit longer to find that person. The sooner you let it go.. the sooner the healing process can begin for both of you
|05-05-2008, 09:15 PM||#9|
Sunsword = Fabulous!
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Portland, ME
I offer you this brother:
You never really know what you're made of until the day you walk away from something you love.
I'll also add one of my favorite quotes and I think it relates:
A man who carves himself to fit the needs of others, will soon whittle himself away - Zeno of Citrium
Keep your head up and your legs bent, and you'll be fine.
My B/S/T = http://www.hisstank.com/forum/g-i-jo...ale-trade.html
|05-05-2008, 09:20 PM||#10|
Join Date: Aug 2007
the fact that she seems to have a sever problem with depression is being overlooked by many i think. anyone that knows what this is like will tell you it's not thier normal behavior and thier not just being a bi$%&. my wife has bi-polar depression and we've had rough spots in the begining when she was trying medications but she's the one for me, i knew this and she did too despite doing some very mean and hurtful things. we've been married 8 years now and with treatment and medication, it's been a very good 7 years. first and foremost, getting treatment is the biggest concern. what makes it very difficult with those suffering from sever depression is the feeling of it not being worth the effort or battle or not recoginizing there is a problem. clinical depression is much like diabetes, a chemical imbalance within the body. most people however write people with depression off as crazy though.
that being said, there are limits to anyones tolerance. no one expects you to be superman and endure what may feel like an opened ended hell. it's a decision that you alone will have to make for yourself. do not beat yourself up over it though. if your not in it completely now, you'll be left with regret later. no one will/should fault you for making the decision to preserve your own mental health either, if you so choose.
be very frank with her family. if your not there, it's her next line of support. don't mince words and don't take sh*%. my wife's family never really understood what depression is or how to deal with it which only made her battle harder. i've spent 7 years dealing with her ignorant family which has been just as tuff.
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