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09-10-2017, 03:03 PM | #11 |
Bald Master
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Wolverine Lake, MI
Posts: 15,128
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^ Say yes!!!
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"Once got busy in the back of a Buzz Boar!" FEEDBACK: http://www.hisstank.com/forum/buy-se...ck-thread.html CUSTOM WORK: https://www.hisstank.com/forum/g-i-j...s-customs.html |
09-10-2017, 07:10 PM | #12 |
Ninja Commando
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Diamndhead, MS via Houston TX via Starkville MS via Bay St. Louis MS via New Orleans LA
Posts: 883
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Thanks brothers. Yesterday was a down day for me. They happendix believe me. I don't wish what I am going through on anyone.
I do a lot of stuff with family and as much ands I can do with buddies, well as much as their wives will allow, lol. Like I said, I am forcing myself to do things just need that passion, that joy, and zest for things need to return for me. All I can say is that it's been a two year process thus far, aND I know it is far from over. Thank you for the kind words, prayers, and thought. I'll definitely get more active on the boards again. |
09-11-2017, 09:34 AM | #13 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Italy
Posts: 1,495
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Well said, man!
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My G.I.JOE collection: http://www.joedios.com/dioramas/brow...&imageuser=444 Me: http://www.joedios.com/dioramas/show...&cutoffdate=-1 |
09-19-2017, 01:06 PM | #14 |
Banned
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,547
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You know whats funny: I came in here today for the first time in years. Don't know why, just did. And I found this post.
Im so incredibly sorry to hear about your wife. I can only imagine what you've been through and continue to go through. Im in the same boat as you sort of. I haven't been on this site in YEARS, let alone posted anything. I used to love coming here daily (multiple times a day actually) and there were a ton of people I knew (some were even in my general area of northern Maine). It was a cool place, everyone knew each other even if it was online only. Lots of fun banter, lots of similar interest and tons of great posts. Then slowly people started to disappear. Some, like Goggles, even passed away. My gramp, who raised me, passed away sort of suddenly a couple years back. It was a blizzard in rural Maine and I did CPR and mouth to mouth for 20 minutes waiting for the ambulance. A couple months later my wife was offered an amazing job that afforded her and my son tons of opportunities we didn't have in Northern Maine. We moved almost 3 hours south and I haven't been the same since. We left the house we built together (literally, we gutted a 1917 American Foursquare and did EVERYTHING ourselves) with almost everything in it. My grandmother wasn't doing well so my mother wanted us to move into her house and take care of it until we found a new house. My gram has gotten progressively worse and 2 years later we're still in her house. We lived at the end of the Appalachian Trail and we hunted and fished daily. We took adventures together daily. We closed my business and left behind all of our friends we had made over the 15 years we lives there since graduating college. Since moving to "the city" Ive lost all my passion for everything and I don't keep in contact with my friends. Depression sucks and its still a huge taboo subject. Im in the same boat as you and honestly, it seems like theres no way to fix it. Ive never really said to anyone that Im depressed, and that's part of it. I think us guys think its a ridiculous thing to say. We just plug along, head down. I had a friend commit suicide a few years back and people were so pissed at him. They couldn't understand. They thought he was the last person who would do that. I totally understood what he was going through and wasn't angry at all. Just sad. Sad he was so young. Sad I knew what was going on and couldn't help him. You have a therapist. Keep going. Its better than nothing for sure, even if you feel like it isn't helping. I don't really know what else to say or why Ive vented so much here, but I feel for you. We need normalcy and routine in our lives and when its snatched away it changes us. When a loved one is snatched away its multiplied by infinity and its incredibly tough. It makes us question everything and care about almost nothing. Hang in there man. You're not alone. |
09-19-2017, 01:24 PM | #15 |
I just want foam gliders.
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Tooele (two-willa), Utah
Posts: 18,727
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It's been almost two years since I lost my wife too. I know exactly how you feel. For a long time I questioned why I had all my Joes after she died. I thought about boxing them all up. Hanging up my hat, taking my ball and going home... all of that...
But like I've mentioned in the "What is GI Joe to You?" thread, they helped me get through the doom. Retail therapy? Yes. I listened to my therapist and really got to know who I am in this world. I came to the realization that we're not here for long. So I decided to do the tings that make me happy (within reason, of course) I focused my collection on the things that made me happy as a kid, when I didn't have to worry about things like death and taxes. Plus I think she was happy to see me happy, so she'd want me to keep on truckin' that's how I feel about it. You are at a crossroads... and I cannot suggest a path, you must do that on your own, the only thing I can say by reading what you wrote is that you seem to have a pretty good handle on the situation, you seem mentally healthy and adult to question things. It's a long, hard road, but it can be traveled. You can do it.
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09-19-2017, 09:51 PM | #16 |
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: .
Posts: 1,785
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I have been quietly following along. I don't have the answers but I am pulling for you, man. I think it's good that you reached out to your fellow brothers on the tank, actually great, although..The things you are doing to keep on going may not feel great, but It is important to try. And keep trying. I have no personal, authoritative guidance on grieving. I believe every person is different so every loss can be felt differently. I'm sure nothing can replace her. I think it's important to remember that when we are grieving/depressed our brain chemistry truly actually changes, making it harder to feel positive feelings as deeply, temporarily, but it is vitally important NOT to stop doing those things that used to make us feel good, including healthy habits like good sleep, good exercise, getting outdoors, being with family. Those, over time, can equilibrate the chemistry. Probably GI Joe will work too, but not by itself, of course. At least that's what a therapist told me when I was going through some junk. I also once had a long conversation with someone who was overcoming her grief of losing a son. She spoke positively about coming through it finally. Grief was like waves in the ocean she said. When a wave comes you think you'll drown. Then it passes and you didn't. Until the next one comes. With time the waves come less often, but they still come, and she expected they always would. But she was not afraid of drowning.
Oh, and I thought I might throw it in there that the Italian word terrifico is not the same thing as terrific in English. It is closer to terrible or horrific. Might help fully understand one post above. (And @NJ you are always welcome to correct my Italian, if I ever get a chance to use it anymore. It's gotten terrible). Last edited by ARBCO Avenue; 09-19-2017 at 10:11 PM.. |
09-19-2017, 10:01 PM | #17 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 4,177
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Bigvig, it sounds like you took a big step just now in saying out loud that you have depression. My close friend is struggling through this right now. You are right in saying that stupid taboos and expectations about what men are and aren't supposed to do hold us back from getting help.
Now that you've said it, what are you going to do? I urge you to take the next step so that you can put yourself on a better path. |
09-19-2017, 11:11 PM | #18 |
Hisstank.Com General
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: virginia
Posts: 5,232
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I can't imagine losing my wife. It is my greatest fear. It drives me daily. She is every part of every aspect of what I do even if we don't see each other due to work schedules for a day or two.
Your depression is your passion manifested in the loss of the most important thing in your life. You will never be able to replace her. Don't waste time doing it. You can't just find passion in an action figure or a new girlfriend. It finds you when it finds you. The fact that you continue to fight for your life in this passionless state says everything that needs to be said. You are exactly what a young boy or girl going through a similar situation needs. Look at the big brother / big sister program and see if maybe there is someone there who is going through depression and loss same as you. Find a way to connect and just be there for each other, finding things to do until the time passes and you are both ready for 'the new'. It is the best possible answer I can think of... I have suffered countless loss - both parents, my oldest brother, my three girls disappeared with my ex wife for a time. My baby brother was adopted away from the family and went into hiding for decades and now that he is grown - the vitriol my step mother spewed into him for my father made it so he is not interested in knowing any of us. He was 5 when he disappeared. I know loss - but I still cannot imagine what my life would be like if I lost my wife. I have known her since the first day of kindergarten. She is the only person I have ever truly loved to the core of my being. I imagine I would be in the same place as you. Check in with us routinely man and let your brothers know how you are progressing in your journey. I think we are all heavily invested now! I know I feel a need to know. |
10-05-2017, 12:04 AM | #19 |
Iron Grenadier
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Texas
Posts: 522
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Depression is serious. A lot of people would think it is normal to lose your passions for childhood toys as growing up.
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11-08-2017, 06:38 AM | #20 |
Zarana & Zandar
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: The future of GI Joe
Posts: 3,261
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Take it slow and ease back into the things you love. I've never had a spouse, but I did lose my grandfather, and he and I were the best of friends, even had a pair of matching t-shirts. When he passed away, I couldn't go near anything that made me think of him, for a very long time. Years. I lost joy in life, I was confused, angry, depressed. Let your grief take the time it needs. I don't know if this is appropriate to say, but my childhood friend asked me this as I was having a very hard time with my grandpa's passing. "What now? The rest of your life is going to be like this, without him. So, what now?" I'm not intending it to be harsh, but found it helped me think through my grief. I apologize if it comes off harshly or hurts. My best advice is to take it at a pace you need to.
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