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03-19-2019, 05:22 PM | #11 |
I just want foam gliders.
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Tooele (two-willa), Utah
Posts: 18,727
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He reminds me of a scuba diver.
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03-19-2019, 06:47 PM | #12 |
Tenor
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Lincoln, NE
Posts: 938
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I don't know how I would rank these guys 1 through 10, I'm just naming horrible figures as I can think of them.
Ice Cream Soldier-even in the brightly colored 1994 lineup you could look goofy wearing neon orange accented by bright yellow. I didn't understand the name as a kid, and you couldn't even tell by looking at him if he was a Joe or Cobra. That's never good. Armadillo-plain, boring, dumb looking figure Listen n Fun Tripwire-in 1994 he wouldn't have been so bad, but in 1985 a Joe wearing red and orange looked stupid Snowstorm (pick a version)-why was this guy released three times in two years? And none of those three color schemes made any sense for an arctic figure. Deep Six v1 - not so much an "action" figure as a giant immovable vehicle accessory Red Ninja v1-I loved Ninja Force and didn't mind some bright colors, but how can you be a RED ninja without even having any red on? Where was the figure from the comics? Most of Battle Force 2000, but Knockdown was especially bad IMO Windmill-thanks to the club's all-or-nothing subscription model I have a modern era Windmill that I can't sell because nobody wants it. I had planned to use some parts to make a more v1 colored figure, but I haven't made the time because it just doesn't seem worth it Dee Jay-I already mentioned BF2K but then I remembered Dee Jay and is really the worst of them Lunartix
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03-20-2019, 12:55 AM | #13 |
Space Cadet
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: The southern side of stability
Posts: 2,262
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This thread is hilarious to me, keep it going. This was a great read at the end of a long crap day.
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03-20-2019, 08:40 AM | #14 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 3,028
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There are a lot of characters whose color palettes do not make much sense from a military, real-world point of view. However, I understand that around '87/88 Hasbro was competing with other action figure lines, especially TNMT which explains a lot of the neon ninjas. So, my list is going to focus more on the actual characters and/or MOS of '82-'88 figures (not in any particular order):
1. Flash/Grand Slam - I'm putting these two together because of their equal insignificance to the team. For one Flash's laser gun was the worst. That stiff plastic cord made holding the gun so awkward. Then both of these characters were so downplayed in the comics and cartoon which really illustrates how they didn't fit into a real-life military type toyline. 2. Deep Six - terrible play feature and toy design for one, but very boring character also. Kids owned Deep Six by default because they wanted the SHARC. If we wanted a cool diver figure, we already had Torpedo who offered a whole lot more play value. 3. Airtight - His MOS seems very nuanced. How often would GIJoe actually need Airtight on a mission? Airtight seems more like a specialist that the Joe team would call in from time to time. 4. Barbeque - same thing as Airtight, very nuanced MOS. As a firefighter, I could see ole BBQ hanging around the base or maybe as part of the crew of the USS Flagg. 5. Quick Kick - I understand the whole martial arts thing Hasbro was going for, but for Pete's sake, give the guy some shoes and put on a shirt! 6. Sci-Fi - do you know who I pretended Sci-Fi was when I was a kid? Robocop! Yeah, Sci-Fi looks like a green Robocop-style Joe. I understand Sci-Fi was basically Flash's replacement, but Hasbro should have learned their lesson that the Joe team doesn't need a "laser rifle trooper." 7. Crystal Ball - Given that Dr. Mindbender came out the year before, I think Crystal Ball was kind of a redundant character. Crystal Ball was more of an excuse to produce a young Vincent Price looking action figure. 8. Raptor - the guy's a former "yuppie tax consultant?" And why the crud does Cobra have a "mink farm?" Terrible design and terrible backstory. 9. The Fridge - Ok other than riding the skirt tails of the Chicago Bears, why was this guy ever considered? Totally uninterested in this figure as a kid, I just stuck to my Sgt. Slaughter. Was The Fridge ever featured in the comics or cartoon? 10. Super Trooper - Was this guy supposed to be like the Capt. America of GIJoe? Could you imagine having the code name "Super Trooper?" This guy reminds more of a lame character from "The Running Man." Jason |
03-20-2019, 08:52 AM | #15 |
Action Unlimited
Join Date: Jul 2018
Location: North Haverbrook
Posts: 1,016
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Quote:
There are a lot of characters whose color palettes do not make much sense from a military, real-world point of view. However, I understand that around '87/88 Hasbro was competing with other action figure lines, especially TNMT which explains a lot of the neon ninjas. So, my list is going to focus more on the actual characters and/or MOS of '82-'88 figures (not in any particular order):
1. Flash/Grand Slam - I'm putting these two together because of their equal insignificance to the team. For one Flash's laser gun was the worst. That stiff plastic cord made holding the gun so awkward. Then both of these characters were so downplayed in the comics and cartoon which really illustrates how they didn't fit into a real-life military type toyline. 2. Deep Six - terrible play feature and toy design for one, but very boring character also. Kids owned Deep Six by default because they wanted the SHARC. If we wanted a cool diver figure, we already had Torpedo who offered a whole lot more play value. 3. Airtight - His MOS seems very nuanced. How often would GIJoe actually need Airtight on a mission? Airtight seems more like a specialist that the Joe team would call in from time to time. 4. Barbeque - same thing as Airtight, very nuanced MOS. As a firefighter, I could see ole BBQ hanging around the base or maybe as part of the crew of the USS Flagg. 5. Quick Kick - I understand the whole martial arts thing Hasbro was going for, but for Pete's sake, give the guy some shoes and put on a shirt! 6. Sci-Fi - do you know who I pretended Sci-Fi was when I was a kid? Robocop! Yeah, Sci-Fi looks like a green Robocop-style Joe. I understand Sci-Fi was basically Flash's replacement, but Hasbro should have learned their lesson that the Joe team doesn't need a "laser rifle trooper." 7. Crystal Ball - Given that Dr. Mindbender came out the year before, I think Crystal Ball was kind of a redundant character. Crystal Ball was more of an excuse to produce a young Vincent Price looking action figure. 8. Raptor - the guy's a former "yuppie tax consultant?" And why the crud does Cobra have a "mink farm?" Terrible design and terrible backstory. 9. The Fridge - Ok other than riding the skirt tails of the Chicago Bears, why was this guy ever considered? Totally uninterested in this figure as a kid, I just stuck to my Sgt. Slaughter. Was The Fridge ever featured in the comics or cartoon? 10. Super Trooper - Was this guy supposed to be like the Capt. America of GIJoe? Could you imagine having the code name "Super Trooper?" This guy reminds more of a lame character from "The Running Man." Jason |
03-20-2019, 09:30 AM | #16 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 4,254
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Super Trooper makes a little more sense brand wise if you consider 1988 was the 25th "silver" anniversary of the GI JOE brand.
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03-20-2019, 03:30 PM | #17 |
Commando
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Britain
Posts: 3,827
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the armour suit wearing Star Brigade figures
Lunartix empire aliens Monster Viper and Bio Viper (gobsmacked no one else mentioned them) Mindbender V1 and 2. Crystal Ball Raptor Gung-Ho v2. Dress uniform Marine. WTAF? Cobra-La. |
03-20-2019, 06:31 PM | #18 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Iowa
Posts: 4,254
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The Mega Monsters are ridiculous, but I like their sculpting. Style wise, I forget they are even part of the line since they don't really fit.
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03-20-2019, 06:43 PM | #19 |
Bridge Layer Driver
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Ft. Wadsworth
Posts: 737
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The original Cover Girl was always a weird one, to me. She had a giant head. The 80's figures always had trouble sculpting female heads, but for someone who was supposed to be a former model, Cover Girl looked...weird.
I liked Tollbooth, but that goofy look on this face and the titled helmet made him look the Fourth Stooge (or seventh, if you count Shemp, Joe and Curly Joe). Dr. Mindebender. 'Nuff said. Lift-Ticket with his chipmunk-looking face and helmet. Voltar. Always an odd character, as he seemed like a lame Major Bludd replacement...in PINK. The Frag-Viper sculpt seemed a little out-of-proportion for me.
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03-25-2019, 12:26 PM | #20 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 1,245
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