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12-20-2010, 03:38 PM | #1 |
Banned
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Georgia
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We all love Joes. But it's almost like that friend you have that you love to death, but you still facepalm over something he does. Yeah, he has his strokes of genius... but sometimes he lowers the bar for idiocy. I would like to take the time to voice some of the stupidest GI Joe ideas ever to get thrown in a box or blister pack.
Talking Battle Commanders. At one point, we had Sonic Warriors, which were okay if you could disregard the fact you didn't get a backpack- instead someone forgot what physics were and decided to strap the sound equipment from a Motley Crue concert on a soldier's back. But hey, you could throw that out and have a pretty decent repaint of a classic figure. Not so much with Talking Battle Commanders. Someone at Hasbro assumed that we were too stupid to make voices for our figures when we played, so they took that same small house full of noise and SCREWED it to the back of a figure. No, kid- you WILL use this large noisebox we included. Your commanders will speak only 4 phrases and your other soldiers WILL shut the hell up. You know, you can unscrew it... but no goddamned backpack will ever take its place. Suffer, child. Pink. I won't even highlight the idea that neon weapons were a bad idea. I mean, there could have been some hippie logic about the weapons not looking like real guns, or complaints of children losing black and green guns... But pink? Really? Did someone burn their ass that bad? Pink weapons? Sorry, kid. Your mom doesn't want you to have anything that looks like a real gun. Here's a pink one. Now you can sit and play "My Little Pussy" with your sister and grow up to wear eyeshadow. Because, really- if you paint a .357 magnum pink, it's going to fool everyone. It's pink. Like a vagina. Bigassed rocket launchers. I know, we all hate them. You wanna know why I hate them? About 90% of Joe and Cobra vehicles had glass canopies, T-Tops, or open cockpits. An idiot with a hunting rifle could take down most of them. Just save the rockets for a drunken Saturday or something. HEAT Vipers. Here comes the backlash, I know... but wanna know why these guys are stupid? A- they are goddamned yellow. B- They have a rocket launcher that is guided where they look. C- They have only one eye to aim with, and depth perception tends to be important when dealing with high-velocity explosive projectiles. Everyone contribute! |
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12-20-2010, 03:43 PM | #2 |
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,137
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As far as the toys go, I think most will focus on the same era of Joe - The neon colors, Cobra La, Battle Force 2000, etc...
But the one thing that always made non-Joe fans laugh was "Yo Joe!" I gave up trying to watch the Sunbow cartoon as a kid whenever my cousins were around, because for some reason "Yo Joe" gets yelled every 2 minutes in a cartoon. That and every time Wild Bill yelled, "YEE HAW!"
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12-20-2010, 03:43 PM | #3 |
Collector and Tracker
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Bessemer City, NC
Posts: 7,223
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Stupidest GI Joe idea ever= Cobra-La! Line killer!
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12-20-2010, 03:45 PM | #4 |
Mountainlander
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: formerly of Chile
Posts: 1,821
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Quote:
HEAT Vipers. Here comes the backlash, I know... but wanna know why these guys are stupid?
A- they are goddamned yellow. B- They have a rocket launcher that is guided where they look. C- They have only one eye to aim with, and depth perception tends to be important when dealing with high-velocity explosive projectiles. Oh no you didn't. You have to have balls to wear an orangey-yellow jumpsuit with a purple stripe on the battlefield. Plus the helmet was one of the coolest ever. Your chin needs to be exposed you know. |
12-20-2010, 03:49 PM | #5 |
Hisstank.Com General
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: dallas tx
Posts: 9,107
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the dic series character voices and acting.
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12-20-2010, 03:51 PM | #6 |
Hog Driver
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Georgia
Posts: 12,236
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Neon colors...
Oversized weapons... Gimmicks like buying 6 dumb vehicles to make an even dumber base (see Battle Force)... |
12-20-2010, 03:52 PM | #7 |
Mad Scientist at Large
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 14,793
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Quote:
Pink. I won't even highlight the idea that neon weapons were a bad idea. I mean, there could have been some hippie logic about the weapons not looking like real guns, or complaints of children losing black and green guns...
But pink? Really? Did someone burn their ass that bad? Pink weapons? Sorry, kid. Your mom doesn't want you to have anything that looks like a real gun. Here's a pink one. Now you can sit and play "My Little Pussy" with your sister and grow up to wear eyeshadow. Because, really- if you paint a .357 magnum pink, it's going to fool everyone. It's pink. Like a vagina. Quote:
HEAT Vipers. Here comes the backlash, I know... but wanna know why these guys are stupid?
A- they are goddamned yellow. B- They have a rocket launcher that is guided where they look. C- They have only one eye to aim with, and depth perception tends to be important when dealing with high-velocity explosive projectiles. Everyone contribute! Miniaturizing a system like that into a troopers helmet is actually pretty good for the time, but now we have "fire and forget", which are often smarter than the people who fire them and can guide their own damn selves to the target, with everything from motion tracking, infra-red, radar, and God only knows what else our tax dollars go to. Fun fact, I can't remember if it was the Germans, English, or us (it was stupid and crazy enough to be either) but the first attempt at a guided missile was to have a trained pigeon sitting in the fuselage that would peck at a little monitor to keep the missile on target. But yeah, he's still f***ing yellow, so there's that. |
12-20-2010, 03:53 PM | #8 |
Hisstank.Com General
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Selkirk, NY
Posts: 5,628
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not having the 2 ninjas actually FIGHT ONE ANOTHER. Nooooo have the ninjas sworn enemy by a Native american....
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12-20-2010, 03:56 PM | #9 |
Banned
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Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,698
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Right. And strapping explosives to your ankles is always a great idea...lol
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12-20-2010, 03:59 PM | #10 |
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Asteroid M
Posts: 9,872
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Quote:
but alas, I love Heat Vipers. They were one of my favorites as a kid, and are still pretty bad-ass. I'm gonna get all kinds of tore up for this one but.... ...towards the end of my run w/ joes as a kid, my absolute favorite joes were the ones w/ shooting weapons (Ice Viper w/ the snowboard, Flak Viper in blue, Stalker w/ the gun box & 2 green missiles, Incinerator w/ the catapault).. ROC may have taken it over the top, but there are 1-2 decent firing weapons w/ some ROC figs I kept. The issue is the size. If we could get a realistic firing bazooka (AOCI Zap), we'd all be down. But we'd lose the pieces in under 10 minutes.
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