ROC rocket launchers! Competition/Review!

snakeeyes22 · 10:19 PM

Now we all know these things range from nearly acceptable to comically humungous in size, but how's the functionality?
I'm here to tell you!

The following contestants will be judged on distance launched, usefulness, design, and overall insane size.
SnakeEyes-Zipline Launcher
Storm Shadow-what the hell/frisbee tosser
Destro-flamethrower?
Duke-rocket launcher
"Armadillo"-Twin Missle Doohickeys

From what I've gotten, they are all pretty ridiculous looking, with Storm Shadow's gigantic shuriken taking top honors. Snake Eyes is lugging around around a damned bazooka to launch a string. He'd be better off using it to destroy whatever he wants to climb. Destro's looks kind of neat, but is by far the most comically large weapon ever stolen from a prop comedian. Duke's is too large, but approaches realistic size and shape, and the Armadillo's look okay, but the missles stick out too far and the launchers will probably break if I try to remove them.

As far as usefulness, Snake Eyes' zipline is cool, although short, if you set it up somewhere because action figures + ziplines are always effing rad times a billion. Dukes can be held okay and a kid would consider it realistic. Armadillo's are just sort of "there". Destro's shoulder joint cannot stand the weight of the behemoth he's been cursed with. Storm Shadow's has declared war on fun and punched it in the groin, so I won't even bother attempting to make an innocent toy interact with it.

Finally, I shall compare distance launched, all projectiles shall be launch from the height of a figure's grasp, with the Armadillo angled very slightly upward since it sits so low, the harsh mistress gravity will likely claim any momentum immediately. Distance is based on where projectiles land before bouncing.

Armadillo is apparantly pissed at these rockets ruining it's classic design, so it threw the bastards as far away as possible, each over six feet away! I think the toy itself tried to creep away before I could recover it's shameful accessories. Destro and Duke shot a respectable 42" and 36" respectively. StormShadow's automatic dog-fetch device launched a meager 2 feet. Snake Eye's grapple thing was the true belle of the ball, assuming that someone spiked the punch bowl, and instead of belle, I had said raging alcoholic. It managed to launch the full 20" the string would allow, before snapping back to land 9 inches away from the starting point, a distance easily climbed by 4" ninjas without any accessories.

So there you go. My final verdict is that the dreaded accessories are pretty dumb, but can work pretty well for killing other toys. The bonus it that each is packed with a decent accessory in the form of a
pretty cool action figure!

tkprime · 07-04-2009, 10:41 PM

You can hook them to the pit on various points, so no, they are not stupid, they in fact add to the overall play value as a whole.

Python_Puckman · 07-04-2009, 10:46 PM

Now you just need to test the ability of each of putting out an eye.

Troynos · 07-04-2009, 10:46 PM

Great review. Staged battles here we come...

snakeeyes22 · 07-05-2009, 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tkprime

You can hook them to the pit on various points, so no, they are not stupid, they in fact add to the overall play value as a whole.

Yeah, they add to the STUPID play value.
SNAP!!!
The point of my review was simply to draw attention to the near universally reviled accessories that have been generally skipped in many reviews, and poke fun at them in the process. I am also gently teasing those people who are so unreasonable infuriated at their inclusion.
You're right! I actually agree with you completely. Shooting stuff is fun. I am positive that product testing and focus groups have shown that kids enjoy shooting stuff too, and parents are more likely to spend $8 on a toy that seems to "do something."
As adult collectors, they are a bit useless to most of us, but I did want to illustrate that there is some real power in some of these things! Kids are going to have fun, until they lose them. But, it's worth pointing out that all of the torpedo shaped missles are interchangeable.
The only real downside to me, as a collector, is if the launchers aren't easily removed, ruin the vehicles design(terra-pod drill tip) or if they replace a character's trademark weapon.
Otherwise, they are a silly fun bonus with some figures that have surpassed my expectations.

DPrime · 07-05-2009, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snakeeyes22

... the Armadillo's look okay, but the missles stick out too far and the launchers will probably break if I try to remove them.

Whoa, whoa, whoa... can you please elaborate? I'd like to get the "Armored Panther", but ONLY if I can remove those stupid rocket launchers. You're saying they'll break if I try that???

NSA · 07-05-2009, 01:10 AM

I think the launchers look better w/out the missile sticking out another inch or two out the front. I wish they would have went the extra mile and made closing flaps like the resolute spring-loaded launcher.

That thing was brilliant.

I swear Hasbro must have got an outside company to do all the Resolute themed figures, then fired them because they did a better job than Hasbro proper.

xhairs · 07-05-2009, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tkprime

You can hook them to the pit on various points, so no, they are not stupid, they in fact add to the overall play value as a whole.

only if you buy the Pitt if you dont they are a waste. as i wont buy the pitt so it is a waste of space and plastic.

NSA · 07-05-2009, 01:17 AM

Also, the Pit Commando doesn't come with a spring-loaded weapon, too much GOOD stuff packed in there!

snakeeyes22 · 07-05-2009, 01:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DPrime

Whoa, whoa, whoa... can you please elaborate? I'd like to get the "Armored Panther", but ONLY if I can remove those stupid rocket launchers. You're saying they'll break if I try that???

The black clips that attach to the existing Armadillo mold will likely break as far as I can tell. It seems they had to rig the things to hook onto the ridged edges(I don't have a regular one, but I assume this is where it's removable accessories go) I think they are meant to stay on, so they wouldn't pop off all the time when loading and firing missles. The clips are very thin, and if you got them off, stress lines would probably appear and would weaken them, not to mention the added stress of reattachment. Boiling water could possibly help, but that would rust springs, peel stickers and maybe warp the hollow tank.