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View Poll Results: Like it or hate it? | |||
Like it! | 436 | 68.02% | |
Hate it | 121 | 18.88% | |
On the fence | 84 | 13.10% | |
Voters: 641. You may not vote on this poll |
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Thread Tools |
08-07-2009, 05:00 AM | #541 |
Spartan F5 Viper
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Sparta
Posts: 17,125
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Awesome review Snake Eyes1975, thanks! And thank you for answering my question, that SUCKS
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08-07-2009, 05:03 AM | #542 |
Not former tanker Slacker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Cobra-La
Posts: 2,749
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Quote:
First.. Siennas Crying was awful! lol, not convincing at all! did you notice? ughh..bad. :P You didnt think all the exploding heads, and eye shots were glorious? Heavy Duty shoving that grenade in that troopers armor and watching his head blow off? What about cover Gilr being dropped by Zartan!? Admit that was awesome! And then his cool whistling! And you really want to see blue!? I think at first yes.. Then remember, this is new Joe..It doesnt really go with themm..their silver color was nice.. if their Silver was a Crayon..It would be...hmm... "Sinister Silver!" |
08-07-2009, 05:07 AM | #543 |
Gary Goggles
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: joedeclassified.com/forum/
Posts: 18,094
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I have absolutely so much to say about this movie. It is REALLY hard to say anything at all without drenching it in spoilers. That is the first sign that there is something profoundly unkempt about the execution of this film, or any film, really. And THAT is a mere...commencement ...of a long list of flaws that really drain the pillars that were already in place to keep a movie like this from wreaking havoc on itself (i.e. decades of history, merchandise, and
decades of Tankers if you will). What I CAN say without erupting in spoilage of plot or depth (I use the word 'depth' extremely lightly)... is the following: The special effects in this film are basically an atrocity. This is 2009. I don't need to invoke 'The Matrix,' or 'Jurassic Park' as examples of films that have come before 'Rise of Cobra,' in which the special effects veritably floated those films. I don't need to invoke those films because in 1985 there was a little film called 'Fright Night,' which to this day... (and despite being a dark comedy spindled on tongue'n'cheek-isms a la Gremlins) ...boasts really wonderful special effects. NINETEEN EIGHTY FIVE. What else were we given in 1985... (taps chin)... AH YES... a tiny little movie called 'Back To The Future,' in which at the end of the film, a Delorean takes flight down a neighborhood street. OMGFHGHNGUT that looks so fake now....... okay but that was 1985 and a 14 million dollar budget. How the hell almost 25 years later, am I sitting in a movie theater under a cap of 170 million dollars, and I'm watching a film where the special effects would look at home on my SEGA CD system. An exaggeration? Perhaps. Of course. But not nearly as much of an exaggeration as to say that these are special effects on par with the last five years of movie making. Hell, the last ten. I expect special effects like these from Sci-Fi Channel original programming. NOT a summer blockbuster. Which brings me to my next point: This film was NOT epic. Not in the least. In speculation, in scope, as I'm sure it looked epic on the page, the film's pace and cinematography were so bumbling, that I wanted to call 'cut.' This was a poorly paced film. And it's arrangement and shot choices were even poorer. Not even Lucas' prequels were shot this bad. And 99% of those environments were not even there. Which brings me to the acting (thanks for the juncture, Lucas): I think Marlon Wayans at one point actually out-acts any of the other performers. It was as if all they did was shoot the read through's in full costume. There are a few 'dramatic' moments where I thought Channing was trying to hold back laughter. I mean it was THAT campy and THAT forced (circa a certain Hayden Christensen). Which, to be fair, falls a LOT on the director. The killer... the big poisonous stinger... is that Channing and Wayans had NO chemistry. They were far from Maverick and Goose, farther from Han and Chewy, and light years away from Vega and Winnfield. Their relationship... (Wayans and Channing) is SUPPOSED to be like every other archetype in any other story or film. Like R2 and 3P0... the lens which we see a new world through. Our guides through the events as they unfold before the characters AND the audience. That symbio-tism was AWOL. It wasn't even cliche. At least I believe Will Smith and Martin Lawrence had history and alliance. WHICH brings me to some minor spoiling... SPOILER ALERT I saw no indication that the Joes and 'Cobra' had much history. So why was Scarlett runnin around calling Storm Shadow ...'Storm Shadow.' Ok yeah maybe one night after some really quiet sex, Snake Eyes was all on the braille board and Scarlett was all "oh you have a brother named Storm Shadow?" WHICH brings me to another point... what the hell is this ... the XMEN??? Baroness' ex fiance is Duke... her brother is Cobra Commander... her lover is Destro... Duke and Rex were in the same unit with Ripcord... Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes are brothers... I mean yes some of this is close to GI JOE history... but when everyone on one side of the coin is related to everyone on the other side of the coin... it really drowns out the rest of the world. I was waiting for Heavy Duty to introduce his under developed siamese twin Roadblock (who works for Cobra). OKAY LET THE SPOILERS BEGIN first of all... an example as to how un-epic this was... Destro's face is taken out by a flame... just a flame... if you're goin for blockbuster epic... if you want me to care about Destro's face... accident with power tools is never the way to go. Then having him weeping in the escape 'sub' about now being part of the 'clan' as it were... and then going 'what have you done to me'.... bi-polar much? you've either embraced the legacy or you haven't. Itz not like he was betrayed really... I mean Rexy DID save his face... kinda. But why did Rexy have that ready for him...... itz not like he coulda known that this was going to happen... and it was a pretty tiny purse CC was carryin around. Convenient to have the whole 'chrome dome in a can' just lyin around. Neo Vipers. OKAY... I saw this before... it was called X-Files and they were alien soldiers who felt no fear or pain and were almost impossible to kill. OKAY... why were all the eels running around calling the Joes 'JOES???' did I miss the part where they know who GI JOE is... am I supposed to assume there was a briefing where Destro tells them about GI JOE? cuz in the previews he's all "what did you say your unit was called".... funny how that scene is NOT in the movie... so my complaint is this... if you're gonna take us back in time to give us back story on the McCullens... where is the back story for GI JOE getting involved with McCullen.... if he created the JOE technology then yeah he would know who they are... but CC and the Vipers were all 'JOE this and JOES that and kill the Joes and let's get those Joes pregnant' etc etc. Minor detail, that whole exposition thing. OKAY... so there's a bunch of Joes standing around in the PIT..... and a tiny coterie of Joes on the missions.... huh?? no no ... let's not get the job done or anything. I understand the need to be discreet... (ie. running through the streets in accelerator suits and dodging missiles and ramming cars etc... ahem)..... but once the cat is out of the bag... or I dunno maybe you're under the polar ice caps... let's just send in a small group of people... you guys in the blue camo can just stand around and then count yourselves amongst the largest group of poor-acting extras ever to grace a screen. AND OH MY GHANDI... do accelerator suits also accelerate your healing... cuz seriously I thought I was watching Wolverine the way Scarlett took that beating and then a few hours later is all fixed up. Kinda like Hawk ditching the wheel chair for a cane and then poof... he's all better... good thing Storm Shadow doesn't kill women. Er... wait. why was Hawk spared? So was the film all bad? Close. I thought Vosloo was good. I don't see him as 'Zartan' cuz honestly he'd make a much better Firefly... Vosloo played it cool and hardcore. The accelerator suits didn't bother me because the 4 hour Paris pursuit is what bothered me. The fact that the only two people sent in for the Paris pursuit were the two people who had never used them before (yo joe).... that scene was just... long and pointless. IF THE F*********IN NANITES DON'T STOP EATING UNLESS DEACTIVATED YOU DON'T NEED TO AIM THEM AT ANYTHING HOLY CHRIST IN A BUCKET OF OF STAINED GLASS TOAST. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.... JUST FRIGGIN ARM THEM AND FIRE THEM AND RUN. YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE ANYTHING MAJOR DOWN... THE DAMN NANITES WILL GET THERE EVENTUALLY... YOU HAVE A BRIEFCASE OF WARHEADS... OH YEAH WE'VE ARMED THEM... UH OH BETTER SPEND A THIRD OF THE FILM DRIVING THROUGH FRANCE TO AIM IT AT SOMETHING HIGH SO THAT IT TAKES THE LONGEST TIME POSSIBLE TO DRIZZLE DOWN INTO THE STREETS BELOW WHERE IT DOES THE MOST DAMAGE... OH WAIT... ONE WARHEAD AT A TIME... AND HERE WHY DON'T YOU WEAR THE KILL SWITCH ON YOUR BELT ... CAREFUL THE SHUT OFF BUTTON IS REALLY BIG AND OBVIOUS... GOOD THING NO ONE CHASING US IS WEARING AN ACCELERATOR SUIT. inhale. anyways... oh and don't be surprised if Baron Cobray comes back as Serpentor to get revenge on the Baroness for betraying him. If he's so fancy schmancy that he can weaponize the nanite warheads.... chances are he found a way to utilize them secretly to save his own ass. WHY ELSE WOULD HE HAVE THE NAME COBRAY.... cuz if itz merely as one of the many stupid easter eggs ("you're an ace") strewn throughout the film.... well... then I give up. and one last thing before I hit submit reply.... this movie was not fun. no pace, scruffy story, seemingly unfinished special effects, and Storm Shadow the waitstaff matador... equals NO. FUN. And before I get flamed with 'it's not supposed to be an oscar this or serious that....' let me remind you that it can still aim to FUNCTION as something worth my time and money and it doesn't need to vie for an oscar or best screenplay ever. You can have a solid action film ... a really amazing blockbuster movie... that ignites you and inspires you and takes the time to involve you... it can spiral with verve and edge and it can be epic and still basic...... this film delivered none of that. Instead it gave us all of our favorite or decent or at least bearable blockbuster movies The Matrix, Star Wars, Robocop, Lethal Weapon, Top Gun, X-Files, Men In Black, Transformers.... and crammed it all into something trapped within itself... cursed forever to wear a mask of condemnation upon its face... not unlike a McCullen.
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Last edited by Gyre-Viper; 08-07-2009 at 05:12 AM.. |
08-07-2009, 05:08 AM | #544 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: texas
Posts: 1,373
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Quote:
Yeah, okay...it's basically the entire graphic novel panel-for-panel word -or-word perfectly done in tone and pace.
Watchmen is a great film. If Watchmen, for you, is the worst movie ever, out of all of the movies you've seen? What movie is the best? It's also a superior movie to The Dark Knight (which is nearly all fanboy's wet dream) So you think watchmen is the worst ever. Let us on the board be enlightened with what you see as the best ever. |
08-07-2009, 05:08 AM | #545 |
Spartan F5 Viper
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Sparta
Posts: 17,125
|
More like Cylon Silver...
Gyre-viper I am confused please clarify this: Destro's face is taken out by a flame... just a flame... if you're goin for blockbuster epic... if you want me to care about Destro's face... accident with power tools is never the way to go. Then having him weeping in the escape 'sub' about now being part of the 'clan' as it were... and then going 'what have you done to me'.... bi-polar much? you've either embraced the legacy or you haven't. Itz not like he was betrayed really... I mean Rexy DID save his face... kinda. But why did Rexy have that ready for him...... itz not like he coulda known that this was going to happen... and it was a pretty tiny purse CC was carryin around. Convenient to have the whole 'chrome dome in a can' just lyin around. Why does Destro get CC's crome dome? and Why is destro the burnt up weenie? I thought the doctor/cc was the burnt up weenie? Sorry If I am misundertsandings....
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... Last edited by CrimsonGuard101; 08-07-2009 at 05:15 AM.. |
08-07-2009, 05:09 AM | #546 |
Iron Grenadier
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Detroit
Posts: 795
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Quote:
The ambush scene, with viper commandos attacking..was the best part of the movie..It would have been better with a HISS tank and Blue shirts tho.. I think there is a common trend here if you read fan reviews..the CGI was POOR. I mean..they CGI apaches, and it was BAD CGI..why not just pay to have the real deals fly like you want em too? There were times in the Paris/Excellerator scnene, where the CGI didnt match up at all, or was off time to the real life Pyro and effects. It was a poor job of editing..period..and I have family that worked on it...he didnt do any of the CGI editing tho. So many movies lately have been making LEAPS AND BOUNDS in jaw dropping CGI..and this one looks like its on par with Jurassic park ONE....YEA.....and how long ago was that? As a Joe fan..I HATED some of the story lines...and a MOVIE FAN, I thought the acting and CGI were about as bad as a brand new, cutting edge, summer blockbuster, like this one claims to be, is as bad as some of the SCI FIchannel made movie stuff... There was some good...but I will scrutinize a GIJOE movie a hell of alot more than anything else. I have no problem sayin T:Salvation or Star Trek was a waaay batter movie..
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Originally Posted by Headman The problem is that America is an island of awesome in a sea of pussies. Now alot of that pussified drift has washed onto our shores and we're starting to smell a lot like tuna Last edited by SNAKE_EYES1975; 08-07-2009 at 05:11 AM.. |
08-07-2009, 05:15 AM | #547 |
Crimson Guard
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: texas
Posts: 1,373
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By the way I only stated that about the watchmen as a correction. It's not a jab at anyone or thing. I just wanted to clear something up is all.
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08-07-2009, 05:15 AM | #548 |
Not former tanker Slacker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Cobra-La
Posts: 2,749
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Good GOddddddd!!!!
That was niiiice. Soooo much explosions. Zartans whistling was awesome.Hell..he was awesome! Storm shadow..AMAZING The Doctor..was also freakin awesome! 3 voices..all of which were nice..Mask at end..ehhh..i wanna stick up for it..but its like one of those things you make jello in for a fun shape! Cover girl..Her death was sooooooo sweet! Zartan..once more..Awesome. (more proprs for stormy as well i suppose) Scarlett KICK ASS Ripcord..VEry NICE! (no romance between he and scarlett...the good luck kiss was like the Luke and Leia thing.) Loved the Vipers! They dont need lame blue suits. Their silver was awesome..if it was a crayon color it would be something kickass like.. "Sinister Silver!" My girlfriend was sooo into this movie! (She got me a PP SS. ..I think i might get her a lunchable..) All of my friends loved it as well, none of them no squat about Joe, and have never seen an episode..but loved it! You all can complain how this isnt your Joe or whatever, But it was Gooood. and im sure, there are a lot more Joe fans now. So Amen. |
08-07-2009, 05:17 AM | #549 |
Crimson lady of the Guard
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 13,754
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We are going to see many more reviews today. Can we please have all of them in one thread?
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My feedback Thread http://www.hisstank.com/forum/g-i-jo...tml#post642922 (PLEASE READ MY WANTS LIST, any help finding these items would be wonderful) My wants list http://www.hisstank.com/forum/showthread.php?t=36991 |
08-07-2009, 05:18 AM | #550 |
Not former tanker Slacker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Cobra-La
Posts: 2,749
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Quote:
The ambush scene, with viper commandos attacking..was the best part of the movie..It would have been better with a HISS tank and Blue shirts tho.. like this one claims to be, is as bad as some of the SCI FIchannel made movie stuff... There was some good...but I will scrutinize a GIJOE movie a hell of alot more than anything else. I have no problem sayin T:Salvation or Star Trek was a waaay batter movie.. And T:salvation!?!?! Hell No! lol. P.s. NOOOOOOOOO! |
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