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12-06-2019, 02:41 PM | #31 |
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I've reread what I wrote. Fair amount of errors, the use of the same word pops out at me. Could use a little more description as the story moves along. But generally, ok with what I got.
The 2nd part will be on the same page as the story. Wont be until tonight or tomarrow, until I got it down. |
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12-06-2019, 03:35 PM | #32 |
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Quote:
I've reread what I wrote. Fair amount of errors, the use of the same word pops out at me. Could use a little more description as the story moves along. But generally, ok with what I got.
The 2nd part will be on the same page as the story. Wont be until tonight or tomarrow, until I got it down. |
12-06-2019, 05:06 PM | #33 |
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Second part is up. Same thread as the first.
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12-08-2019, 12:55 AM | #34 |
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Finished it. Yes, there are errors. Spent over an hour typing it on a small as cell phone keyboard. Fix the mistakes later.
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12-08-2019, 01:07 AM | #35 |
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I gotta apologize that back part of the story was shit. I had a better ending g planned. But I got in that mindset to finish. I messed up at one point did the cut copy thing. Messed that up, had to redo it. Took 20 minutes. My eyes are going bad. Forgot to use reading glasses. They started itching. In the end I just wanted it done. A lot of fuck ups on my end, got flustered. I didnt give it my best at the end. I will rewrite what I had in my head. Just not for a minute. I hope you enjoy what I have. Dont be shy about criticism.
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12-13-2019, 07:30 AM | #36 |
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"It begins" Cobra Commander said in a deep voice as he walked towards General Flagg. Flagg was on his knees in his dress uniform, blood dripping from a split lip. His hands zip tied behind his back. Commander looked around his 'man cave and smiled. The many monitors, manned by his near purple, black clad Techno-Vipers, reflected in his deep green eyes. The room hummed with the sounds of computers humming, the soft cliclack of keyboards. He paused before the renown General.
Flagg glared at the Commander with an unbridled hatred. He hated this man with all of his heart for his deeds, and the dead he caused. But a part of him couldn't comprehend the idea he was looking at Cobra Commander unmasked, wearing an angelic white uniform, bearing a few medals that meant nothing to anyone but cobra, the red sash that crossed across his chest left shoulder to right waist. The thick black belt, with blood red Cobra sigil set in the middle. Dark blue lines from waist to boots, situated on the side of his pants. His boots were of black leather, yet seemed sturdy that ended at his knees. At the Commanders hip was a gun holster, for his bulky Venom pistol. On the Commanders shoulders he wore bulky blue shoulder braids. His neck color was tight with a golden button of the Cobra emblem. Flagg started into the Commanders deep green, intense eyes. "Your face..surprises me" admitted Flagg. Cobra Commander chuckled. "That hood chafes, and the mask is no good when you sneeze" he admitted. Despite himself, and the pickle he was in, Flagg did chuckle a moment. "Now what?" Flagg growled after a moment. "Kill me if that is your plan." he demanded. Cobra Commander laughed. "Not yet." Commander simply said "Your capture would not have been possible, without some assistance " Flagg frowned heavily, his thoughts of who would do this. He was an American Hero after all. "Even past allies, grow weary of how your government uses its soldiers. After we were defeated in '94, your government, and presidents wouldn't let them rest" explained as he he scratched his auburn chin hair. He slowly paced back and fourth. "These mighty warriors no longer fought a real war, they were used as tools. Tools to represent the greatness of America. As assassins, torturers, guests over seas to raise morale for the troops fighting terrorism" the Commander said raising his black gloved hands, doing the quote sign with his fingers. "These Joe's have seen the light" the Commander said in a slight bragging tone, smiling revealing bright with teeth, a perfect smile. "Five of your best, have joined our cause." Behind Flagg a door opened, cheap smoke machines immediately began spewing the fog "Yes, cheap theatrics." the Commander admitted and slightly shrugged. "Turn him around" muttered Cobra Commander muttered. Two of the Old Guard approachex, dressed in the original blue fatigues, yet slack body armor heavily embellishe into the armor, the black latex masks replaced with a solid piece of kevlar covering the mouth and nose, the helmets the same but made more modern protection, finally deep red eye and upper face shields covered the once open face that were part of the original Cobra uniform. As Flagg was turned around to face the door and smoke. Five shadows appeared, the shadows turned into individuals, Flagg's eyes widened. The first individual was heard, before truly seen. "Hello, General Flagg." came the voice Flagg knew immediately. A moment later. "Thanks for fucking us over" came Duke's bitter voice. Duke then looked to Cobra Commander. "Cobra forever" he said solemnly as he bowed his head, chin to chest. The Commander then bowed back to Duke, his braided, red ponytail fell over his left shoulder. Slowly the other four former Joe's emerged from the fog, standing side by side with Duke. Flagg on his knees, his mouthed opened and closed soundlessly as he recognized each of them (obviously). His head then fell low, whispering ."Noooo" Just so you know, I dont this side switching stuff lightly. In my verse, these 5 are straight up Cobra. Why? You might ask. Why not? I say. Sorry for mistakes. |
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