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09-04-2017, 12:31 AM | #1 |
Cobra Lab Rat
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: California
Posts: 3,046
|
Ho yes, What was I smoking.
---------------------------- Chapter 1: A man of generous character. Dawn strikes the cock as a portly, Yellow Haired man enters a barracks. His distinctive shiny yellow hair glows in the dawn, his glorious yellow mutton chops distinctly contrast with his drab brown suit and checkered bowler hat. He sighs and throws money on the ground. Immediately and without explanation, a crowd of soldiers leap like lions on the money and chant his name. DUKE DUKE DUKE DUKE, they called, for the rich yellow man was Old money made manifest. Supper was being made for a tall, bearded man. He wore a Beard exactly like Abraham Lincoln and had a top hat, but where Abraham Lincoln was a normal man, the man's hair was white and his suit and pants were red white and blue. His nickname was General Flag and he represented AMERICA. As thin as a stick, he was often mistaken as the Flag. While the cock was being killed by Dawn, for his supper, General flag motioned to Duke to sit down. --------------------------------- General Flag: Duke, we got a problem Duke: Yes? General Flag: Along the east coast, an immediate explosion of Cobras and Vipers has taken place, the snakes are taking over the west coast. Biting everyone and destroying our American values! Our secret navy base in San Francisco which is also a bathhouse in San Francisco is now "THE TERROR DROME" ruled by an extremely shiny Bald man who calls himself "COBRA COMMANDER!!!!" Duke: . . . . . . . A man who commands Cobras and Vipers. What a dangerous man. General Flag: I need you to throw that money around and hire a team of the greatest pioneers you can find to head west along the Oregon trail and DESTROY THOSE SNAKES and save America. --------------- Duke shrugged, then with the power of DUKE, he lifted his heavy frame from the chair. His amazing nobility had destroyed the chair. -------------- Duke: Why not get "Shipwreck" to sail the navy to the east coast? Surely SNEKES are no match for cannon balls? General Flag: We did, the navy was Shipwrecked along the Cape of Good Hope! Duke: Send a Tele then. General Flag: "Scrap Iron" did, he said the Snakes ate our telegrath specialist "Dial Tone". WHOLE. I must admit, he must be telling the truth, he fought them off and the room was awfully bloody. Duke: Send a bird then. General Flag: We first sent "Ship Wrecks" parrot. It did not come back for months. We then sent the Eagles because AMERICA. They went to some country called Middle Earth and died. We then sent pigeons, but the Snakes intercepted them and ate them. We then decided to send "Raptor" Unfortunately, turns out our meanest, toughest bird was a traitor to our country, we found out our bird of prey "Raptor" had murdered "Ship Wrecks" parrot and was eating him. ---------------- General Flag Slaps Duke ---------------- General Duke: JUST DO IT. FOR AMERICA Duke: YES!! -------------------- Duke left the room. In his glee, he starts skipping like in ballet and throwing money everywhere. Now was the time to show them the power of a 'NOBLE DUKE' --------------------- Meanwhile, on the plains, music plays *DUN DUN DUN!! ------------------- Snakes, SNAKES snekes SNEKES EVERYWHERE, writhing, crawling, twisting, all over the place. Cobra Trooper 1: Hiissssss Cobra Trooper 2: HISSSSSSsss Hissssssssssssssss Cobra Trooper 3: Hurgghhhh *It spits out a man Pale from bloodloss. OH NOES, it's Stalker!! *Stalker had succumbed to his wounds. A snake had eaten him! He's not fit to travel! ------------------------- Stalker: I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE SNAKES ON THIS GOD FORSAKEN PLAIN!!! *Stalker takes our his knife. Time to go hunting for COBRAAAAA!!!! ------------------------ Stalker has scored a First Blood. <-- Stalker has Scored a Double Kill. <-- Stalker has scored a Triple Kill <-- Quadra Kill <--, Penta Kill <--, Septa Kill <--, MO MO MONSTER KILLL <-- UNBELIEVEABLE <--, UNBELIEVABLE <-- UNBELIEAVABLE <-- UNBELIEAVABLE <-- UNBELIEAVABLE <-- UNBELIEAVABLE <-- UNBELIEAVABLE <-- UNBELIEAVABLE <-- UNBELIEAVABLE <-- UNBELIEAVABLE <-- -------------------- BIG BOA?: Retreat MY SNAKES, THIS I COMMAND. COBRA LALALALALALALALALALALALALAALLALALALAALALALALALAL Stalker: What? Big BOA?: LALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA *Stalker went hunting. He obtained 1,000 pounds of SnEKE meat. *Stalker Succumbed to his wounds again --------------------------------- Stalker: MU .. ssttt. . . . go back..... Must. . . . tell Snake Eyess. Python . . . . Patrol . . . . . *Stalker has been bitten everywhere on his body. He is suffering from severe blood loss and is severely poisoned!! Don't worry, he will somehow sleep it off. . . . . maybe? ----------------------------------------- . . . . . . To be continued? ---------------- *edit: Accidenty used Hawk by accident. Fixed it. Last edited by Snakeeyesisposh; 09-04-2017 at 12:35 AM.. |
09-04-2017, 01:00 AM | #2 |
Cobra Lab Rat
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: California
Posts: 3,046
|
This story is a parody on what happens when you reboot stories in different time lines. It was inspired by an Oregon trail game on crack we had a while back at work.
My coworkers came up with the concept of Duke as an outrageously Fat Nobleman who spams his wealth as a callback to how everyone plays banker and just wastes all his money without a care in the world. General Flagg as an Uncle Sam Expy was actually invented by a Random passerby who commented on how you could replace General Hawk with an Uncle Sam who spams AMERICA IS GREAT, DEFEND AMERICAN VALUES as his orders every time, and the show would still work. Anyways, my coworkers are fiendishly creative. I can't wait till I get shiny obsessed Destroy, and Baroness int the story, or Buffalo Bill's cousin Wild Bill and Drunk Scarlet. And Stalker Stalker. I'll get back to this story once in a blue moon maybe when I have breaks. |
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