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05-09-2009, 08:42 AM | #21 |
Janitor at Extensive Ent
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Cincinnati, Ohio
Posts: 2,335
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Quote:
I have no problem with the thermonuclear strike being initiated by a teenage boy in a trailer park. It is a fictional story it is supposed to be far fetched and stir up the readers emotions. The emotions being positive or negative is not the authors concern , that is purely the readers interpretation. The trailer park kids actions or the reasoning behind them should not be criticized yet anyway. Perhaps this is establishing him as a secondary villain the Joes will have to deal with.
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I love Joes. They are delicious. |
05-09-2009, 08:49 AM | #22 |
Cobra Soldier
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West by God and the AK47 Virginia
Posts: 73
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Quote:
Thanks, yeah he is mine.
I have no problem with the thermonuclear strike being initiated by a teenage boy in a trailer park. It is a fictional story it is supposed to be far fetched and stir up the readers emotions. The emotions being positive or negative is not the authors concern , that is purely the readers interpretation. The trailer park kids actions or the reasoning behind them should not be criticized yet anyway. Perhaps this is establishing him as a secondary villain the Joes will have to deal with. |
05-09-2009, 04:54 PM | #23 |
Cobra Soldier
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West by God and the AK47 Virginia
Posts: 73
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The Mid Pacific. U-321 was stationed near Midway. "Enemy aircraft
carriers,sighted, .'Silent Battle Stations'. drill." ordered the Nazi commander; as he peered through the periscope. "Torpedos Los!" Two G7e torpedoes raced from the U-boat, KABOOM! The U.S.S. Wasp's ammunition bunker exploded. Already, she began sinking as sailors began dropping life rafts. "Tubes three and four, fire!" Two more torpedoes slammed into the Lexington, they started a major fire in her fuel tanks. The last two torpedoes left the Enterprise dead in the water. Silently, the U-boat slithered away; as multiple destroyers belatedly covered the stricken vessels. Last edited by Von Blitzkrieg; 09-06-2015 at 01:00 AM.. Reason: deletion |
05-09-2009, 05:45 PM | #24 |
Cobra Soldier
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West by God and the AK47 Virginia
Posts: 73
|
The Mid Pacific. U-321 was stationed near Midway. "Enemy aircraft
carriers,sighted, .'Silent Battle Stations'. drill." ordered the Nazi commander; as he peered through the periscope. "Torpedos Los!" Two G7e torpedoes raced from the U-boat, KABOOM! The U.S.S. Wasp's ammunition bunker exploded. Already, she began sinking as sailors began dropping life rafts. "Tubes three and four, fire!" Two more torpedoes slammed into the Lexington, they started a major fire in her fuel tanks. The last two torpedoes left the Enterprise dead in the water. Silently, the U-boat slithered away; as multiple destroyers belatedly covered the stricken vessels. Little did they know, that the U.S.S. Flagg was sending help. Last edited by Von Blitzkrieg; 09-29-2012 at 11:07 AM.. |
05-09-2009, 05:47 PM | #25 |
BRUCE FOXTON'S HAIR
Join Date: May 2008
Location: SOME STUPID JERK TRYIN TO REACH ANOTHER NUMBER
Posts: 686
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Man why are your chapters like 3 paragraphs long?
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Guys you gotta support G.I. Joe or else we won't have G.I. Joe on the shelves and they haven't released Spaceshot. We can't have an anniversary line without Spaceshot! |
05-10-2009, 12:46 PM | #26 |
Cobra Soldier
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West by God and the AK47 Virginia
Posts: 73
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Admiral Beverly Duffield read the reports from the Predator aerial drone. "Men, three American carriers are in trouble. Communications, radio them that we are sending help; Disaster teams to choppers, medical, ASR; and firefighting."
The U.S.S. Flagg spun into action. Aboard the Enterprise, Admiral Bull Halsey watched grimly; as the WASP was now fully upside down. An Adjutant ran up to him. "Sir, radio room just got a transmission from an outfit called .'G.I. Joe'. They are sending us help." "All crews to AA stations, all fighters airborne; donot attack unless inbound bogies are themselves attacking." Frantic activity gripped the flight deck. Moments later, Sea Stallion Helicopters began dropping rescue swimmers and life rafts; soon thousands of American sailors were aboard the Enterprise. The most desperately hurt were life-flighted to the Flagg. An hour later. ""Sir, the Fires aboard the Lexington are out; our guys say the fire foam from the Flag's firemen were instrumental in saving her." AdmiraL Halsey was very glad. Although the WASP was now sunk, over 2,500 American lives were saved. A helicopter landed on the flight deck, Admiral Duffield stepped out. ."Admiral Halsey, We are first and foremost Americans; we are here to protect our country." "Agreed." They then began briefing one another. Last edited by Von Blitzkrieg; 05-19-2009 at 02:50 PM.. |
05-11-2009, 11:19 PM | #27 |
Code Name:`~Matrix
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Army Base Ft Belvoir
Posts: 227
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kind of confused on how strom shadows a kid hmm intersting
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05-12-2009, 02:27 PM | #28 |
Cobra Soldier
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West by God and the AK47 Virginia
Posts: 73
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Glad to have you here! In canon, Storm Shadow born during WWII. For this fan fic, he was born in 1934; which would make him eight years old(1942).
General Panzer Von Blitzkrieg, he is my orginal creation; think of him as a cross between Captain America and Snake Eyes. I want him to be a recurring foe for G.I. Joe, thus he will not be killed. I'm thinking him as a foe for Snake Eyes. Are you in the Army? If so, what do you do? I'm a former KVCT(Kanawha Valley Communications Team)member. Secretary, radio operator, and third C-I-C. I am a survivalist and gun nut who loves the Lord Jesus and whom like dogs and cats, heavy metal rock, violent videogames, and Godzilla(among other tastes). Ok. Let's hear about you. I am now eliminating Storm Shadow feom this time. I want a different enemy for Snake Eyes. Last edited by Von Blitzkrieg; 09-29-2012 at 11:09 AM.. |
05-12-2009, 02:50 PM | #29 |
Mortal Enemy
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Site B
Posts: 32,666
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The story seems to move and jump at odd places. I'm not trying to be cruel but in its current form it doesn't make sense.
First, you really should do a better job at proof reading. There are quite a few spelling and grammatical errors. Second, I would suggest you get a second set of eyes to read before you post. The story is in your head and you are familiar with it and you know what is happening, now see if a friend or family feels the same way. Just my 2 cents. |
05-19-2009, 03:23 PM | #30 |
Cobra Soldier
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: West by God and the AK47 Virginia
Posts: 73
|
New Guinea. Supoported from the air FANG copters, HISS tanks, Stingers, and Python Cycles; they began their push towards the Japanese airstrip. They arrived, as the last Betty bomber faded into the distance.
Both COBRA Infantry and COBRA youth corps,they search the abandoned positon. "Major Bludd, they've left!" A youth corps member said. Incredibly, tons of Japanese small arms and ammunition were abandoned. Type 96 machineguns were prized, they were given to the Cobra Youth Corps; as were the boxes of Italian submachineguns. One youth made an exceptional haul. Fred Barco faced The Baroness. He had two Mauser pistols, a Beretta 1938 submachinegun; he even had acquired a magnificent katana. The katana Fred had was wrapped in gold and purple silk, it was very beautiful; he now faced the Baroness. He knelt facing her, and offered the katana to her. "Rise, Cobra Youth; You will offer this sword in tribute to Cobra Commander personally. You'll get a medal for this!" The Arisaka rifles and like weapons, they were abandoned with the airstrip. The Baroness was given a message by a COBRA soldier . ."Evacuate Temple Charlie, You are being returned to our Main base ASAP." Within hours, they were all aboard COBRA planes, they were transported to COBRA Island. Some of the Joes, meanwhile; they found their families. Last edited by Von Blitzkrieg; 05-21-2009 at 11:17 AM.. |
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