View Full Version : New Beginnings (My First Attempt at Fanfic)
02-09-2011, 06:48 PM
The convoy drove single file through a small canyon to deliver humanitarian aid to small villages in Afghanistan. The sun had barely risen enough to provide adequate light and thats when bullets began raining down on the convoy.RPG's flew down taking out the lead Buffalo and the rearmost Humvee. Cobra Rock and Range Vipers began descending down the mountains firing at the soldiers protecting the convoy, the U.N. peacekeepers began to regroup and fight back but were entirely unprepared for Cobra. Sergeant Victor Ramirez tried rallying his troops but they began to break and run, Ramirez tossed a grenade bringing down large chunks of rock from the mountain and snapped the lines of several Vipers before they hit the ground. Ramirez used the confusion to man the .50 cal mounted on the nearest Humvee and began firing at the Vipers hitting some and scattering them around the canyon. Several rounds hit all around Ramirez and disabled his mounted weapon. Shrapnel hit Ramirez in the face making a scar across his right cheek,Ramirez rolled out of the Humvee and came up behind it for cover. A Range-Viper came up on him and pulled his knife thinking Ramirez a easy kill, and tried to stab him. Ramirez caught sight of the Viper and grabbed his wrist and twisted it, breaking it taking the kife and slamming it up under the skulllike helmet of the Range-Viper. A concussion grenade landed right in front of Ramirez eploded and threw him off his feet and threw his against the canyon wall. The lead Rock-Viper opened the door to the disabled Buffalo and fired inside finishing off the injured peacekeepers within, and began sifting through and removed the large metallic briefcase and signaled for transport. Moments later H.I.S.S. tanks and Cobra transports pulled up extracted the Rock and Range-Vipers and loaded up the medical supplies and food from the U.N. convoy. Hours later Ramirez was awoken by a medic examining him " Sergeant are you all right" as he shone his light in Ramirez's eyes. Ramirez began slowly stirring and sat up and shook his head "Cobra it was Cobra" then passed back out.
02-09-2011, 07:05 PM
Smooth, and realistically themed. You have a good style. When you get a chance, read the OUR JOES STORY Thread from the beginning, and see if you can 'git in where you fit in.'... GOOD LUCK.
02-10-2011, 02:17 AM
I really appreciate the feedback and am gonna start reading yours right away, i think ive always been afraid of doing my own for doing a disservice to the characters or upsetting someone else with my interpretation of them
02-10-2011, 02:51 AM
Awesome! It was a great read
02-10-2011, 03:04 AM
Sgt. Ramirez awoke again in the base hospital slowly looked around the darkened room and saw there was only himself and one other man in the room. "Takes quite abit of skill to pull off what you did sergeant" the other man said with his back to Ramirez "taking down seven Range-Vipers one with just a knife and three Rock Vipers is an impressive feat". Ramirez sat up a little straighter in the bed and saluted" Is this my debriefing sir". "Colonel" the officer replied "Lt. Col. Conrad S Hauser and with your actions earlier sergeant i believe i could use a mna like you". Duke turned and walked up to Ramirez's bed "please dont salute me son i should be saluting you for earlier" a small smile came on his face as he spoke "I need a new Top Shirt i believe youre exactlly what i need can i count on you". "Of course Colonel" Ramirez spoke without a moments hesitation" Anything for my country". Duke nodded and smiled more "excellent medics have cleared you to leave grab your gear and meet me on the airfield in six hours we have a job to do". Duke left the room, as he did a masked figure with a sword strapped to his back melted from out of the shadows and joined him.
02-10-2011, 06:28 PM
Duke walked down the hallway arms behind his bank lost in thought, and the masked man spoke to him "Duke with Ramirez the team will be complete,small but complete". Duke nodded "true Kamikura but then again originally the team only had 12 members". Various soldiers mechanically threw saluted to Duke and were a bit puzzled by a masked man in dark green leather armor with a katana strapped to his back. Sgt. Ramirez entered his barracks and began gathering his things, looking around at the empty barracks. Ramirez pulled a small photo of his sister and her three kids off of the underside of the bunk above him, folded it kissed it and placed it in his right breast pocket. Ramirez always travelled light so packing his few possessions into his duffle bag only took a few moments and he went off to the airfield to meet with with Col. Hauser.
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