The 10 Most Useless Joes

[sbartek1974]

Anyone seen this article? If it's old news sorry. I just came across it. But I did want to do a poll to see what you guys think.

The 10 Most Useless G.I. Joe Characters - Weird Worm (http://www.weirdworm.com/the-10-most-useless-g-i-joe-characters/)


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[BCDX97]

I'll go with Dee-Jay. I like all of the other 9!

[drunknmunky]

I like that in the Chuckles description they name fun of Captain Courage. I guess that was before the promotion.

[Viper6]

how could chuckles even be on that last? hes one of the most versatile joes and has mad skills.

also this reads like i have to pic 10 useless joes rather than select one among a list of 10.

[Colder Soldier]

I voted Hannibal. Mainly because of his lack of seniority and he comes from GIJoe's worst era. Why the hell isn't Kamakura on the list?

[GI Jay]

What about Tollbooth, the bridge layer guy? What does he do all day? Just read magazines and play on his iPhone until somebody needs a bridge?

[luigi]

What about Tollbooth, the bridge layer guy? What does he do all day? Just read magazines and play on his iPhone until somebody needs a bridge?

lol

[luigi]

I voted Hannibal. Mainly because of his lack of seniority and he comes from GIJoe's worst era. Why the hell isn't Kamakura on the list?

well he was on the list then the guy typing it looked away and kamakura wasn't on the list
darn ninjas right

[sbartek1974]

how could chuckles even be on that last? hes one of the most versatile joes and has mad skills.

also this reads like i have to pic 10 useless joes rather than select one among a list of 10.

I would have liked to been able to do a poll of all the Joes ever made and seen where that would have ended up at. I would have liked to see who we thought the 10 most useless Joes are. But this poll was just for fun really.

[theprocess]

No Super Trooper? That guy was crap.

[sbartek1974]

No Super Trooper? That guy was crap.

No kidding Carlos, I was thinking the samething. Back then when he came out I called him Stupid Trooper.

[grunt0341]

Scoop!!!

[07GT500 COBRA]

What about Tollbooth, the bridge layer guy? What does he do all day? Just read magazines and play on his iPhone until somebody needs a bridge?

How dare you!

[Snow Wolf]

Quick-Kick; he had bare feet, sweatpants, and no firearms. Not exactly practical on a modern battlefield. He had better be the best -ever in CQC, and even then, it's still a flimsy idea.

[Owner of a Lonely B.A.T.]

I do have to say...while I like the character I have often wondered if Rapid Fire who somehow got neon Super Trooper gear....who the hell did he piss off?

[bassistcarlos]

Raptor didn't make it into the poll? I didn't realize there was so much competition for the bottom rung of the ladder.

[Smitty2733]

I'm thinking that veterinarian. What was him name? Link Talbot? He was probably so freakin bored that when someone finally brought him an animal to examine, he talked their ears off.

"Sure, Mutt, he needs his annual fecal examine? Let me get the old rubber gloves! You're my first patient in the last 2 months! Man, it's been boring down here. Say, you seen any moves lately? What's Cover Girl wearing now? Hubba hubba!"

[youdoitimbusy]

What no toll booth? If his mos allows him to be the member of an elete fighting force then mine does to, and I expect to see a petroleum supply spealist joe in the futer. That's right cobra will be yelling, "die gas pumper"

[youdoitimbusy]

What about Tollbooth, the bridge layer guy? What does he do all day? Just read magazines and play on his iPhone until somebody needs a bridge?

Ahhh beat me to it

[Jmacq1]

I do have to say...while I like the character I have often wondered if Rapid Fire who somehow got neon Super Trooper gear....who the hell did he piss off?

Funny thing is, if you read their filecards, Rapid Fire and Super Trooper are almost the exact same character.

It's also funny in hindsight, I remember as a kid Super Trooper seemed like such a big deal because he was a mail-away (remember that back in the early days many of the "biggest" characters got started as mail aways: Cobra Commander, Duke, Major Bludd and Sgt. Slaughter). Now he's pretty much a joke.

Anyway, I voted the Fridge. The Joes are the best of the best of the US military. They're more than capable of doing their own PT, and don't need any "instructor" for it. At least Quick Kick can teach a valuable skill that not all of them are going to know as well coming in, but basic fitness isn't going to be a problem for any Joes.

[rglass2]

Scoop!!!

How dare you sir; how dare you.

[Troops of Doom]

How come Duke wasn't on the list?

[bitetheasp]

Chuckles should not be on this list.

Also, Headman was a drug-dealing advasary of both G.i. Joe and Cobra, so he shouldn't either...

[Konigstiger]

Chuckles should not be on this list.

Also, Headman was a drug-dealing advasary of both G.i. Joe and Cobra, so he shouldn't either...

Indeed. I think Chuckles is kind of mislabled as a Joe. He really should be a spook. Perhaps a CIA liason to the Joe team.

Or take the military out of him and make him a vice cop. Kind of what I do. He just screams Miami Vice character.

As for Tollbooth being mentioned, he's a combat engineer. He probably does more work than any of the Joe team firefighters/flame thrower troopers/ mortar men.

[Rainbow Viper]

IMO that blog post is just trolling. But for what it's worth, I'm gonna vote Ice Cream Soldier. I just don't understand what that figure is about. I liked it's later repaint and name change to Shock Viper much better. I don't remember much about Hannibal but I liked that whole Serpentor Returns arc. The Fridge was b4 my time and I was never into football so I guess he's 3rd for me. All of the others are EPIC WINS and the Joe-multiverse would be a sad sad place without them.

[laurenluna1977]

Law & Order I always thought it was weird that the Joes, a professional elite special unit force, needed an MP. Does this mean Cover Girl walked into a "bunch of door knobs," or Lady Jaye got those "falling down the stairs?"

[bitetheasp]

The joes get too rambunctious after drinking too many Joe Colas...Law is a decaf man, himself after seeing the horrors of caffeine highs and lows.

[XAMOT]

I voted for all of them except for Big Boa and the Ice Cream Soldier. Because the Ice Cream Soldier looks kinda cool, and Big Boa has the potential to be like the Bane (as in the villan from Batman) of Cobra.

[Dem_Yoe'z!]

Dee Jay and the Fridge are both up there as epic fail with Captain Grid Iron right behind them

[Sean_C]

There are no useless Joes only useless bloggers and "fans" who cannot think outside the box.

[Rambo]

I'll go with Dee-Jay. I like all of the other 9!

Same here.

[Dealer Destro]

I don't remember if there were 10 of them or not, but I thought the D.E.F. JOE team was pretty useless. My reason is that history shows us that no matter how much you try to stifle consumer demand for a product, you will give rise to black market's becasue people will buy the product, legal or not. In this case the product being, drugs. :) Take care!

[fireflyguy]

I chose Crystal Ball. Dumbest idea for a character in a military-themed toy property I've ever seen.

[CobraOfficer999]

Don't know who Hannibal is, Crystal Ball could be considered useless, but I would have gone for Snowjob as most useless. Barely any missions are in snowy regions.

[GI C]

The Fridge and Big Boa were useless.

[07GT500 COBRA]

As for Tollbooth being mentioned, he's a combat engineer. He probably does more work than any of the Joe team firefighters/flame thrower troopers/ mortar men.

More than all them combined. Thank you!

[Digital Ghost]

Where's Tollbooth

edit-Maybe I should've read the whole thread before I posted. I still hate the guy though.

[07GT500 COBRA]

Where's Tollbooth?

Busy building a bridge to get the rest of the Joe armor into the action or blowing one up to cut off enemy supply routes. Or he may be busy setting barb wire, landmines and claymores to defend the Joes' flanks. You know, busy essential and useful combat engineer stuff.

[theprocess]

No kidding Carlos, I was thinking the samething. Back then when he came out I called him Stupid Trooper.

That is great. I can't believe I never thought of that.

[KENNY GUIDO]

chuckles for sure. he stands out so much with that friggin shirt! looks like a tourist.

[WVMojo]

No Budo?

[Griff]

Truthfully i would have to go with bog boa. It not like Cobra doesnt have a ton of physical dimwits who could show soldiers how to fight? Plus the dudes outfit was just a bit too snm-ish.

[Clobbertron]

This article is terrible. Did someone here right it? Its like they studied GI Joe for ten minutes and decided what's 'stupid.' I picked the fridge because hes done nothing for canon.

[MrHateAol]

Actually my Mother in-law thinks I'm the most useless Joe out there, and since my name IS Joe it's hard to defend. Thankfully she'll never die... never... ever... die... (sigh...)

[wormser]

being from chicago, the fridge was the shit!

[Headman]

This is pretty insulting. Mods, please remove this thread due to personal attacks.

[Headman]

Also the guy who wrote the article doesn't know what he's talking about. Cobra didn't attack Headman because of any moral issues with drugs. They attacked him because Crimson Guard #1 wanted revenge for his sister and convinced Cobra Commander that raiding Headman's base would lead to a shit ton of cash.

[Van Hammer]

Why isnt psyche out on that list?

[Headman]

Why isnt psyche out on that list?

Because it's a stupid list. Perma bans are in order for this thread! Current count is 15 perma bans to be exact.

[Viper6]

Indeed. I think Chuckles is kind of mislabled as a Joe. He really should be a spook. Perhaps a CIA liason to the Joe team.

Or take the military out of him and make him a vice cop. Kind of what I do. He just screams Miami Vice character.

As for Tollbooth being mentioned, he's a combat engineer. He probably does more work than any of the Joe team firefighters/flame thrower troopers/ mortar men.

you guys need to be more familiar with the SOF side of CI/HUMINT... chuckles is a perfect fit right where hes at.

[Griff]

you guys need to be more familiar with the SOF side of CI/HUMINT... chuckles is a perfect fit right where hes at.

I agree....6 feet under is perfect :D

[Headman]

17 perma bans.

[drunknmunky]

What about Cleansweep? The guy is completely useless. He's a Hazmat cleanup guy. But all he does is steer a robot.

[Viper6]

I agree....6 feet under is perfect :D

in one story line, but it was an awesome story. plenty of others which make ole chucky my favorite joe.

[Sgt Major Haley]

they are all pretty useless, except Chuckles.

[sbartek1974]

This is pretty insulting. Mods, please remove this thread due to personal attacks.

When I read the article and saw Headman, I just laughed because I thought of you and wondered what your response would be. :)

[keith13]

Voted Headman he is F'N useless. Who the hell wears a bandit mask with a fedora?

[Python_Puckman]

If it is "useless", then the Fridge all the way.

Did he even have a filecard? What was his purpose in GI Joe supposed to be anyway, and what good is a football on a chain against a laser weapon? At least the other 9 had some "use".

I still love the figure and would buy a modern version in a second. But he is still useless.

[Ripper]

From the list, I had to go with Dee-Jay as the most useless Joe. Truthfully I have no idea what he does. Is he the GI Joe Disc Jokey? Crystal Ball, Headman, Big Boa and Ice Cream Soldier are not Joes. Fridge is a bit useless, unless he is blocking for Captain Grid Iron.

[Python_Puckman]

From the list, I had to go with Dee-Jay as the most useless Joe. Truthfully I have no idea what he does. Is he the GI Joe Disc Jokey? Crystal Ball, Headman, Big Boa and Ice Cream Soldier are not Joes. Fridge is a bit useless, unless he is blocking for Captain Grid Iron.

Actually, ICS is a Joe. He just looks like a Cobra :)

[cobracobra]

Quick kick was awesome. No clue what you all are talking about.

[johnturner]

being from chicago, the fridge was the shit!

I know that's right! And he was a mail away figure. Fridge is a national icon!

[ndb]

Okay, my thoughts on the characters.

The Fridge - Yeah, Fridge was nothing but an awful marketing ploy.
Headman - I like the concept, even though he needs a better suit. Drug dealer whose profits benefit Cobra. In return Cobra provides weapons and other supplies.
Ice Cream Soldier - stupid suit, but flamethrowers are effective. :D
Dee-Jay - I've never read his filecard before, so no comment.
Captain Grid Iron - Stupid, stupid, stupid... Football grenades?!?
Crystal Ball - see IDW version for why I'm glad this character exists.
Hannibal - I really don't see why this character is dumb. I think they got their facts wrong. As I recall Hannibal was born a clone and grew up in our modern world.
Big Boa - I have an idea for how this character could be useful, but yeah, if he is done the way Hasbro did, sheesh.
Chuckles - Other than the name, what is wrong with Chuckles?
Quick Kick - This character tops the stupid on my list. We already have Snake Eyes for a ninja. We don't need a shirtless dipstick with numchucks.

[ndb]

Why isnt psyche out on that list?

Cause Psyhe is awesome! A pysch who keeps the joes mentally in great health, sounds like a reasonable character.

[SmokePants]

Deep Six, ever since I stopped taking baths.

[shishi]

no flash?

[Jmacq1]

Law & Order I always thought it was weird that the Joes, a professional elite special unit force, needed an MP. Does this mean Cover Girl walked into a "bunch of door knobs," or Lady Jaye got those "falling down the stairs?"

I figure the Joe MPs were there more for their security skills than for "policing" the Joes.

Plus the DEF makes a whole lot more sense if you envision them as running covert ops in South America rather than running around playing supercop in the US.

[jogunwarrior]

Why isnt psyche out on that list?

Because Psyche-Out is one of the most valuable members of the team. I'd also add that Chuckles deep cover work makes him extremely valuable as well.
And Dee Jay would be essential for team events like Flint and Lady Jaye's wedding reception, and Karaoke night at the Pitt.

Fridge was my vote. May be a football legend, but to me he doesn't fit as a Joe.