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C'mon BBTS pre-order!!!
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03-21-2012, 06:18 AM
Hicks_Royel
Smells Lemony
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 10,549
Doesn't really sound like it...
---
There's a lot of text to follow. You've been warned.
Okay, so, about the time of Valentine's, I was sitting in a breakroom at work talking to a friend. We were minding our business, just talking. In walks another worker [I call Man-bitch] who... tends to demand to be the center of attention. Loud, always in the business of others, always has an opinion, you know the type. Anyway, in he walks, cuts into our conversation and makes a comment about my friend being an "old man...". Now Man-bitch is in his early thirties, soft around the core and losing his hair [the forehead heading back deal]. None of these are really an issue, it happens to the best. But Man-bitch, doing his best to be an alpha-man-bitch, you would think he'd do something about this to protect his delicate ego. He doesn't though. He's just in denial, always wearing a hat and oversized shirts.
So anyway, my friend makes a comment along the lines of, "Well, at least I still have me hair..."
To which, Man-bitch turns his back to us, lifts his hat to expose the back of his head and replies, "I've got plenty of hair, see?"
So, my friend and I sit there, let that sink in and I return to our previous conversation starting with, "Well, at least you're not in denial." Now, note, I think we were talking about my friend's upcoming surgery, not talking Man-bitch's hairline.
But Man-bitch's eardrums are as delicate as his ego and his nosy self picked up on my comment and I guess his little, self-centered brain assumed that I was talking about him. Not interested in finding out the truth, he repeated me in that mumbled, mocking tone that people use.
I couldn't let it go... I just couldn't. I don't hate Man-bitch, I just don't like him. So I said, "Ah, the reply of a mature adult."
...And that's what sparked the avalanche.
He went off, he used every insult he'd ever thought of on me and then repeated them once he lost control of his thoughts and then shouted and rambled over himself for a good five minutes. I don't think he took a breath. His ears turned purple. It was funny. I just sat there and let him go on.
Once he had trailed off into panting, I said, "Wow, that's hurtful." It wasn't. I don't often get offended by people who I don't respect and my tone made it clear that I really didn't mean it. Probably because I was laughing when I said it.
Then came the, I don't know, do avalanches have aftershocks? Anyway, he went on for another three or four minutes. This time, I laughed the whole ride. And he stormed out to do whatever Man-bitches do when they need to feel better about themselves. I'd imagine it has something to do with holding back tears.
That was pretty much the end of it for the day, he avoided making eye-contact and kept to himself. I think he was satisfied he'd told me off in front of his friends who had also been in the breakroom at the time.
But me being me, I had to have one more laugh at the expense of his little man-bitch tantrum. Mantrum, if you will.
The next day, again, this was near Valentines, Man-bitch found a shopping bag at his spot of the table. In the bag, a card and a box of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, his favorite. The card had a little dog dressed in a bee costume. The printed texted scribbled out. On the front the new text read, "Hey man, why all the hate?" The inside, "Let's just 'bee' friends..." Beneath that, "But in case you feel the need to have another little tantrum..."
Now this is as far as Man-Bitch got, he didn't open the candy box. It was time for the start of shift meeting and everyone was busy watching him open and read his card, curious to what it was all about. One, I'll call Potential Pedophile, asked what it was all about, another asked who it was from. Man-bitch played it all down as if clueless.
Enter Man-bitch's best friend, I refer to as The Bromance, he wanted the candy and took the box from Man-bitch and opened it. However, upon lifting the lid, he simply closed it back up and started to laugh. Curious, Man-bitch opened the box himself to find another little box stuffed inside the shrinkwrap seal and a little note, reading, "Why not have yourself some Pamprin?".
Now, I had a choice, there were multiple feminine products to choose from. I went with the one that had the word "Pamper" in it for a reason. And I got the Maximum Strength version too. It comes in the pink box.
So, two-fifty for the card, seven bucks for the box and the candy that I kept for myself, five for the Pamprin. All of it totally worth it to see him turn purple for the second day in a row as the whole group laughed at him not even knowing the backstory.
Last edited by Hicks_Royel; 03-21-2012 at
06:28 AM
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