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C'mon BBTS pre-order!!!
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12-07-2010, 08:19 AM
Hicks_Royel
Smells Lemony
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 10,549
I walked into a TJ Maxx today...
That's the joke part of the story, kids. The following is a smattering of fact, fiction and something more awesome than going, [wild hand gestures] "Mind Freak!" in an excited whisper. All wrapped in an epic of run sentences, trailing thoughts and the other grammatical errors you'd expect from an American public school fourth grade education:
And after elbowing and eye-gouging my way through a crowd of old women and fat guys with arms loads of last year's fashions at 1980's prices crammed under their armpits, I realized that I wasn't in a massively log jammed aisle of mouth breathers but rather the check out line.
Realizing my folly, I immediately flipped them all the bird as if they'd still deserved everything they got and stepped out of my first place position by way of moving a box of wrapping paper from its position in the check out crowd control barricade.
Upon replacing the wrapping paper boundry marker, I made my way back to the toys section, put on my game face and proceeded to be disappointed that no one was there to challenge me for their share of the post apocalyptic scatterings of toys from yesteryear. Yes, the long forgotten relics from the age of 2009 lay before me like the stuffings of a humpback whale sized piñata...
After a quick survey, I spied nothing short of the controversial "Gold" faceshield HoH Viper and muttered a light "Oooo" that must've piqued the interest of the woman standing off to my distant left for she quickly moved in for my newfound bounty.
A swift and expertly placed round house kung-jist-fisto [Trademarked] blow to the left temple sent my opponent toppling backwards down a conveniently placed ramp in the store's design. I addressed the now stunned onlookers with, if I might claim, epic war cry that lasted no less than 8 and no more than 12 seconds. Pounding my chest with my right hand, grasping my Viper and shoving it defiantly into the air with my left.
Having established myself as the "Alpha Discount Shopper", the rest of the pack left me to be. Not satisfied with this, however, I further marked my territory with a steady stream of urine that encircled better than 80% of the toys section and a portion of ladies under garments. I picked bras as I'm a boobie man.
With my hunting ground now clearly marked, I began to dig around finding two more HoH Vipers, two HoH Guardsmen and several of the others we're all familiar with at this point. I also noted a handful of Mutts, Wraiths and one Scarlett left over from the 25th line among the later movie figures.
Finally, a lone peg of comic packs hanged[?... hung?] Nuts to it, was hanging along the back wall. Two grizzled old silver hairs standing between me and it's potential goodness.
Cracking my knuckles in sequence from forefinger to little on both hands in turn, I lowered my brow while maintaining my gaze with the overly seasoned hunters and stalked toward them in a slight zig-zag pattern. They were old, I thought this would make me look bigger in their ancient, cataract riddled eyes. The old female backed down, bowing out to my right. The male stood his ground. No doubt hoping to show this young buck how it was done back when you got change back from a nickle for a moonpie and a [glass] bottle of Coke.
I was about to teach the old dog his next lesson in falling down when the old woman swept back in from my flank and sank porcelain tooth and synthetic claw in my flesh.
Last edited by Hicks_Royel; 12-07-2010 at
08:53 AM
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